Tuesday 1 July 2014

That elusive letter to my 16 year old self

This letter goes out to my 16 year old self (thanks for the tag Leana!), the most challenging time of
my life, a time where I thought I knew exactly what life had in store for me. At least I thought I knew just what I was going to do with my life….

Dear 16 year old Rushda,

These words come from your much older self, at a happy place in life although NOT doing exactly what you thought you would be doing. And that’s ok, I have learnt many lessons on this path, grown in so many ways that I daresay you would be proud of the person you have become.

I know, obviously better than anyone else, what you have seen and endured by the age of 16, and it’s certainly nothing that an average girl should experience, but with my newfound wisdom I’ll impart some wise words. You are a headstrong, stubborn, focused and determined young lady - but it is important to learn that there are times when compromise is paramount. Even with your ownself, you do not become the physiotherapist you’re set on becoming (and thank goodness for that!); and instead follow the path of marketing first and thereafter finance (which works out really well). So when that scholarship offer rears its head from Anglo American, consider it seriously - it’s a tough act balancing studying and working!

Your focus at 16 is to make something of yourself - having had a difficult childhood- so your education and career is your way of doing this. It does help, it soothes the childhood pains of not having, but somewhere along the line you discover a more important panacea. The importance of love and family, and how that too can heal childhood pains still lurking about. So your values have changed along the way, and you become less focused on that career, which is when you find your inner self and become still, ready to accept what the universe has in store for you.
Nurture that writing talent, continue the dabbling, follow up on those short stories submissions and who knows…

Forgiveness, is key. Especially when banishing those dragons of your childhood, the ones that haunt you into adulthood, forgiveness helps you move on, to become a happier, healthier you. You take away the power of those dragons on your life and command your own path from there. I choose not to live with regrets, so I would not change any decisions you have made, but I stress…. Seek help and it will free you, independence gets you deeper into the hole of hatred, be open and share your thoughts. It’s amazing how life changing it is to talk things through. The dragons become background noise, and not something which plagues your present.

Love comes around sooner than your ‘plan’ allows. In the form of an unexpected charmer who is willing to fight by your side. Accept it, do not fight it and embrace the challenges it brings to your life. Without this partner by your side, things could be clinical, serious even- he brings that element of fun and teaches you that its ok to not always be in control. Your eyes are opened, and you realise that having spent a childhood mothering your siblings has shaped who you are today, but that all will be fine if you change your course in another direction and throw away the ‘plan’.

Your future is not all sunshine and roses, and I am thankful for that. All these experiences have brought you to the happy place that you are in today. They have helped you grow and become stronger - banishing those childhood years of self doubt. You realise that it’s not your job to make people pay for a non existent, unhappy childhood; that there is a higher power that takes care of these things. You take care of you, concentrate on your spiritual self, love and forgiveness and the world will be your oyster.

I wish I could say that there is only happiness ahead, but there are trials, hurts and betrayal in the next couple of years…. The best part, is living each moment and being present to experience very emotion - this is your journey, Life.

Ciao for now,
RuBe xoxo

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