Friday 12 May 2017

Feminism is not male bashing

Hello readers,

When you're a mum, Friday does not mean relax, in fact it actually means buckle up for the whirlwind that's about to hit! It means: prepare for early morning sports, tuition runs, popping into the stores for new clothes, sports equipment, cooking, entertaining and so much more. And yet, I thrive on this busyness over weekends as it is a time when I feel most engaged with my family. I experience what they love to do, take time to have long chats, watch their favourite movies and celebrate their passions (sport, in our case). 

So with all the male bashing I've seen this week, especially with the horrific stories of a young child being raped by her dad & brother and a young woman killed by her boyfriend; it has disturbed me on many fronts. I am a feminist, I believe in women being empowered, in being able to live their best lives; however I do not believe that ALL men are trash, that ALL men are threatened by strong women or that ALL men want women to be subservient. I am raising three young men and refuse to buy into the version of feminism that feels it needs to denounce all males. I am fortunate to have by my side a supportive male, a husband who supports my endeavours, who is not threatened by a successful or strong woman and who is able to love me just as I am. He is able to be a partner in my life, an active participant as much as I am in his. And I am surrounded by many such males, who set the examples for the younger males around them. I choose to believe that those young males will follow suit and model that same behaviour. I choose to believe that by having a mom who practices my version of a feminist, will go a long way to ensuring my boys are secure enough in themselves to be partners one day too. 

I am a feminist, and was driven in pursuing a career, and yet, when I chose to step out of that hamster wheel, I was happy to tend to my family. This did not mean I had to give up being an entrepreneur, or studying or pursuing new goals. I enjoy being an independent working woman, but I also love cooking for my family, being with my kids, raising them and spending time with hubby. I am not pressured into doing any of these things, and THAT is where feminism comes in. I am free to choose my path, free to decide how to plan my day, how I want to dress and where I want to go. If I choose to make time to look after my family, or dress modestly or fetch kids from school, it is certainly not because I am browbeaten. 

These stories making headlines this week are indeed atrocious, but heinous acts are not only perpetrated by males, and it is a gross generalisation to condemn the male species as a result. It is more an indication of those individuals' socio-economic circumstances, learned behaviours and conditioning from being exposed to these types of behaviours, which deems it 'acceptable' for them to conduct themselves in this way. As a feminist, I enjoy having my door opened for me, or the chair being drawn out for me (which is something hubby and all my boys practice), it makes me feel respected, honoured and appreciated. It certainly doesn't cost me anything to be gracious about accepting it; and hubby does it because he wants to, not because he has to. This is does not mean that all males should do this, it simply means that if my guy wants to show appreciation and respect towards me as a woman, I will graciously accept it. There are enough stories of woman abuse around to be thankful when presented with the alternative. 

Furthermore, I live in a home with four males, and strongly reject male bashing at every level. 

Today's look is to symbolise grace, and to show that I am proudly woman, proudly supportive of the males around me. Without whom I would not be where I am today. This look is a casual, Autumn inspired ensemble featuring a t-shirt dress, leather jacket adorned with pearls and beads.

Mango dress
Urban leather jacket from Asos
Mimco leather ankle boots
French Connection backpack
Pearls and beads (old)
Louis Vuitton scarf
Mimco rings
Lovisa earrings

Ciao for now, 
RuBe xoxo

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