Thoughts on Hijabi Blogger Shaming

Hello Lovelies 😊

Without realising it, my year officially ends in two weeks, that means I have decided to take a break from work and the blog at the end of November for a well deserved break. I'll still be around occasionally on social media, but I am seriously in desperate need of some leave! Something I don't have the luxury of, unless I am out of town. This realisation dawned on me this week and put me in a flat spin, I have so much to wrap up before then! 

I have changed my topic of today's post based on a conversation in one of my watsapp groups which got me pondering. The topic was the removal of hijab by some huge hijabi bloggers. I have followed the journey of a few public figures who have decided to take this step,  a hugely controversial one clearly. And I am not going to go into the merits of the various cases, or the why; but it brought to the fore the issue around cyberbullying. I have written about this two years ago (read post here).

Whilst we only see the publicly shared information around this topic, the respective individuals would clearly be dealing with their own struggles, or just perception and outlook on life.

This brings me to my topic for today. I understand that the removal of the hijab is a highly charged topic, which will be fuelled by emotion, religion and personal opinion. However the first thing to consider is that these public figures are people first. They are human. And therefore experience struggles and trials like everyone else. The fact that they are public figures means that they cannot step out of the public eye to deal with issues, nor should they have to do that. The reality of being an inspiration or role model to others goes both ways, being an inspiration encouraging women to embrace their hijab stylishly especially the youth, is one. The other side of the coin is being an inspiration to those who struggle with it, I am not foretelling that they may return to hijab, but I believe that they will. And in this journey, women around the globe who struggle with this issue will find some kind of comfort in knowing that they are not alone. That a public figure may be grappling with the same stuff - who knows, it could touch them in a way which encourages a journey to hijab.

I see all the negative comments aimed that these young women, the hate that's directed at them and cannot help but feel empathy for someone having to navigate that landmine of negative energy. Noted, it would have been expected. I am also very aware that making the decision to do something so controversial, with the world watching, takes a lot of courage, and hard work to be completely clear with the inner self. It requires knowing yourself intimately, trusting yourself and your inner voice; which is something very few master in today's society. Whatever decision they make is based on their own life journey, and that's exactly what blogging is about; being able to express yourself in your own space. It feels empty when content is aimed at what's popular or acceptable at the expense of authenticity. I would much rather read about a real journey; and whether they share their struggles or not, is also their prerogative. It has been said that they are influencing young women to follow their lead and abandon the hijab, which I believe is highly unlikely. Any person wearing the hijab would not (or should not) do it because of anyone else, as this is a highly personal decision.  

These young women are no different to celebrities who go through their struggles publicly. And relating it back to someone like Demi Lovato, who has publicly struggled with alcohol and drug abuse as well as bulimia and an eating disorder. All the negative comments, and cyberbullying rants were peppered with encouragement. Her story has been publicised to inspire and encourage those going through the same struggles, it has not been publicised to encourage substance abuse. I am not saying removing the hijab is a struggle as I do not purport to know the motivation despite what is being shared, but in exposing negatives one can move to a place of healing and improving on the self. I choose to look at life in this way, I cannot stand in judgement of any of these individuals as I live with my own faults. I know and experience my own struggles, and not all of them are blogged- but they filter through many decisions and in the way I navigate the world.

With this post I would like to urge you to look at these young women, consider how you would react if she were your daughter, sister or friend... Would you find some understanding and empathy in your heart instead of rushing into immediate judgement?

This was a quote I shared in a post earlier this year on the trials of raising teens (read that post here), and I believe is appropriate to share now:

"In my world there are no bad kids,
just impressionable, conflicted young people
wrestling with emotions & impulses,
trying to communicate
their feelings & needs,
the only way they know how." -
Janet Lansbury

Todays look features a vintage nautical blazer, sequinned t-shirt and jeans- a definite holiday mode look.

Outfit details:

Vintage blazer

ZARA t-shirt (old)

WW jeans

Superga sneakers

Accessorize floral scarf

Earrings old

Chimpel leather bag

Zulululu sunglasses

Ciao for now,

RuBe xoxo

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Tapping out when life gets too hectic

Welcome back lovelies!

I did't get around to finalise my post last week, with work and my Summer Soirée event looming, I was seriously functioning in overdrive. Apart from work and event things, school obligations and music concerts peppered my diary. My middle son started his matric finals, my eldest started preparing for university finals and my youngest was his usual busy self! I have literally emerged from weeks of working 24/7, 7 days a week, which was catch up after my stint of looking after my nephews. 

And what becomes very clear is that when I am in this overdrive mode, my home reflects the same busy energy and the boys are all over the place.

So after my event this weekend, I felt like my tank was depleted, and I made a conscious decision to have an 'easy' week. So I chose to tend to my admin work, seeing to the boys who were studying this week, and ensuring the availability of food and snacks. I took time to go the salon, visit a few sick patients and had a lunch date with my eldest, after weeks of having no space in my diary, I did a long overdue Home Affairs visit, a breakfast date with hubby and really just recouped my energies. I went in store to restock my face products, as opposed to buying all my supplies online and started to feel more grounded, I even managed to attend an unplanned lecture on the last minute. Just by performing mundane errands, I started feeling like my old self again, energies restored and ready to get back at it. It's important for me to constantly be aware of an empty tank, as the consequences of this affects more than just me and I could see a settling down in my home once I was feeling restored. 

My home is an ecosystem, and one little thing affects every single member in my home. It may not even be conscious, but every nuance is felt, every moment of tension is sensed and in turn affects the behaviour and feelings of those in the ecosystem. This is why it is imperative for every single member of my family to be able to take their time out when necessary; we get it, we respect it and actually all benefit from it. It is understood that everyone needs different things to feel whole and engaged in the world, and that is ok.

We are currently in the midst of exam stress, and our home goes into quiet mode while having a muted bustling energy. Each of my kids also know that I advocate breaks and down time in between studying to keep them balanced, it's all about knowing when to recover the energies. It's the same concept as me having to take a time out when I felt that I was not able to function at optimal capacity and that my energy was running low. Letting the kids see that it is necessary, even for adults, to recharge and take care of themselves is a valuable life lesson. It's not something I was ever taught, and had to suffer burnout to realise the importance of self care. In today's world, kids are so busy, with jam-packed schedules, that there is very little opportunity for them to be carefree. Anxiety disorders and depression is a common reality which creeps into their lives and becomes chronic conditions they need to manage into adulthood. So it's critical to remember that self care is an important concept for young and old alike. And providing the space for that in the home is the start of teaching them this, as well as modelling this in our own lives.

This lookpost is a carefree, summery one, put together from my past season's pieces. The sneakers are new, gifted to me (because it's no secret that I'm a sneaker junkie!). It's a representation to not take ourselves too seriously, to tap out when we feel like life is too overwhelmingly busy and to prioritise self care. The old saying rings true: 'that you cannot pour from an empty cup'.

Take your time out when life gets too crazy, it's as important for those you nurture as it is for you ✨

Outfit details:

Shop, Style & Snap Kimono

A Sense of Style Skirt

Forever New Lace t-shirt

Old Scarf

Adidas Sneakers

French Connection bag

Opulence sunglasses

Ciao for now, 

RuBe xoxo

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Kindness is a Lost Art

Hey lovely readers! 

This past week has been a tough one, and since I'm not one to walk around with my whole life showing on my face, I tend to go through life with a smile and bounce regardless of what happens behind the scenes. I don't lament my fate or things that happen for too long, my motto is "where to from here?". And this is why I am so grateful for my family- my hubby, boys, my sister and bestie- they get me, they know what goes on behind the smile and know how to perk up my day. One would not guess at any distress behind the game face; I blame this on my tumultuous childhood, hence loads of practice at keeping things to myself.

So when I found myself sitting in the waiting room at the hospital to visit a family member this week, having just had a hectic day, feeling a bit low; and two strangers shared a smile and some kind words with me, it just brightened my day. It brought the sunshine into my day ♥️These were two sisters who recognised me from Instagram (this is how we started chatting), and we ended up having a really uplifting conversation. What struck me most about this interaction is that they showed up at just the right time to brighten my really gloomy day; and despite going through a rough time themselves (with a family member having had emergency open heart surgery), they were still really kind. It was not difficult for them show kindness to a stranger, in fact it seemed to be the way they engage with the world generally. As I made my way home, this conversation played in my mind and I realised a couple of things:

Kindness is a lost art, we go through life forgetting what it means to smile or share a kind word- and yet everyone we meet will be going through something we have no knowledge of. Everyone has their own story, everyone has bad days, and it is not necessary to know what their difficulty may be to offer some sunlight. 

It has become the norm to encounter kindness with strangers instead of within your immediate circle, in fact, your immediate circle will feel it ok to dump their bad days/feelings and frustration onto you. This is not ok, speaking about or discussing my issues calmly, is nothing compared to dumping onto somebody by venting anger and frustration on them. 

I live with the premise that everyone is human first, and therefore deserves respect as a human being first; before all the other roles, religion, status or whatever separation we perceive is presented. If I just look at every person the same, and treat them equally with respect and kindness, what harm is there in that? What do I lose? What does it take away from me? 

Absolutely Nothing!

By doing this with others, I know that I deserve respect too, and that respecting myself first is a critical piece in being able to respect others. It's also fundamental in being able to stand up for myself and to not allow myself to be disrespected.

More importantly, my behaviour and the way I engage in the world becomes a template for my kids. They see and learn by my actions and behaviour, so I have a responsibility to teach and raise young men with empathy, respect, consideration, tolerance and kindness. 

My chat with these two women, followed by a conversation with a friend about struggles she's having with her kids furthermore highlighted how unbeknown to us, others are going through some pretty hectic difficulties. They sometimes pale in comparison to ours. Some people are just trying to get through each day alive, and yet are still able to offer someone a smile. 

We don't always know what our purpose is on this earth, and we don't always need to know how we impact people, but what I do know is that we were not placed on this earth to abuse, belittle, gossip, attack and kill the spirit of our fellow humans. 

"Every Act of Kindness is a Charity"
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)

Today't outfit features pieces which have been in my wardrobe for a while, I have been digging out oldies to recycle this past month to rejuvenate for Spring. And then the rain cam along and demanded some layers!

Outfit Details:

Mango Skirt

Trenery Polka Dot Knit

Trenery boots

Pauls Boutique bag

Forever New Shawl

Jo Borkett Scarf

Ciao for now,

RuBe xoxo

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My life is not just the Highlight Reel

Hi lovely readers!

August has arrived and that means my birthday month, Yay! These past two weeks have been tough, we have had a death in the family, numerous hujaaj leaving, my new charges have been usurping all my free time, lack of sleep, a bout of flu and work has had some stressful moments. So needless to say, I'm looking forward to the weekend and some sorely needed R & R. 

Since the past week has been so demanding, it got me thinking of conversations I have seen around social media, where it has been emphasised that Instagram or Facebook is nothing more than a highlight reel. This is a very important point, and I cannot stress enough that what you see on social media is not whole sum total of someones life, and most times the difficult, unedited, no makeup moments aren't shared. I don't mind sharing those, but it's also ok not to feel comfortable sharing these moments. For some, Instagram is a perfectly curated feed, for very specific reasons, which we may not guess at. I share difficult times occasionally, but choose not to when things get too much, and I need to deal with things that happen. My orientation to difficulties means that I don't complain or get caught up in drama, and instead handle things head on.

The message is that we are all human, life is made up of our highlight reels, as well as the not so great moments. It's vital that we know this when looking at the lives of others through a curated lens, and when we compare our lives to theirs. My motto is: to focus on my own life and impact, and work through trials in my own way. Whether I do this privately or publicly is irrelevant, it's my life so my decision. I have issues which I struggle with, and as a wife, mother, daughter and sister, they cannot always be shared to respect  privacy. 

Even if someones life really is all highlight reels, that is amazing... especially because we have no idea how much work has had to go into having what we perceive as a great life. I have always wanted to live a full life, and this has spurred me to study, work hard and make my dreams a reality. The traumas and trials are not seen, they are not always spoken about, as it they are in the past, but I have lived the hard work, continue to put in the hard work and take nothing for granted. And when something I have worked so hard for doesn't materialise, I have to accept that it is not within my control. My comeback is usually to process the disappointment and sorrow in the best way I know how,  always mindful to move forward with purpose. I cannot get caught up in the highlight reels of others and in their successes, apart from being really happy for them. My highlight reel is just that; MY highlight reel, and I have so many dreams, so many ideas, so many plans I am working on fulfilling. And I have my own challenges, trials and difficulties to manage. Where does that leave any time to worry about someone else's highlight reel?     

“Beginning today, set an intention and a relentless focus on living your life as the greatest person you can be, in all situations.” 

—Brendon Burchard

      

Today's outfit is a typical mom on errands look; a sweat top with jeans and boots. Quickly thrown together for ease and comfort. All pieces are existing wardrobe pieces, only the boots are current, and I love them because of the girly colour!

Outfit details:

Calvin Klein London sweat top

Polo shirt

Guess Jeans

Aldo boots

Rebecca Minkhoff bag

Sunglasses from Opulence

Scarf old

Caio for now, 

RuBe xoxo

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