Friday, 4 May 2018

Fostering Sibling Love


Happy Friday lovely readers!

You would have  noticed that I didn't post anything last week, and this was intentionally done... It was done so that I could be present with the family and have a proper time out. I planned work for two mornings and then set aside the laptop, and just chilled with the boys.

Part of my kids growing up means they have become young people, with lives, schedules and places to be. And they do all of this, independent of me, so they can drive themselves, arrange their own meeting times and check in for curfew before they're out the door. As a result we spend limited time together as a family, apart from evening supper where we check in on each others day. I have realised that keeping the closeness alive involves care and attention, from all of us. 

I reflect back to when they were little, and all three under the age of ten. They would spend all their time playing together, teasing the youngest, watching movies and making up dance routines (yes they !). Without any cousins on either side, they only had each other to play with, have sleepovers with and talk to. My reasoning to them was that there would always be moments where they'd fight, get frustrated with each other, but that it was important to learn to be in each others space peacefully. I wanted them to more than just co-exist, I wanted them to bond and form a secure connection based on mutual respect and love. And with every squabble, I encouraged and mediated resolution, which would end with an apology and a hug (the hugs only worked when they were little hehe). And after a while, I would need them to mediate for themselves and resolve quarrels on their own, or consult me with some solution if they wanted intervention. 
Now that they're young men, they are more opinionated, with strong and differing views on many topics. So we still have heated quarrels and debates; but most times it is resolved with respect, sometimes with exasperation and at times it ends up in a momentary sulk. And yet, they always emerge from their sulk, with mumbled apologies, to engage with each other as if their disagreement had never happened. It takes a lot to foster this kind of understanding, and means that as parents we need to lead by example. Hence we need to be conscious of how we resolve conflict, between us and also with the kids. They're always watching and learningšŸ˜Š
So when I choose to be present with them, it shows them that they matter; I also get to be a part of their interactions with each other. I watch as they laugh with each other, animatedly talk soccer, play games, tease and talk. And then the moments which melt my heart, Ziyaad making lunch for Ihsaan because he's incapacitated due to a broken collarbone. Ameer packing Ihsaan's school bag in the morning because he's slower due to the broken collarbone, or Ihsaan using his allowance to buy the brothers birthday gifts. I am fostering an environment of sibling love (I know there will still be fights) and choose not to have the popular adage 'sibling rivalry' apply in my home. If I cannot guide them to treat each other with respect from a young age, how will they know to do it outside the home?
And so the path continues...

Today's lookpost features a light Haya Collective nude coat, over a silk tunic, skinny pants and a pair of loafers. Casual and chic for work or just a mommy day.



















Outfit details:
Haya Collective coat
Country Road silk tunic (old)
H&M skinny pants
Leather loafers (old)
Kate Spade bag (purchased abroad)
Giorgio Armani sunglasses
Witchery linen scarf
Lovisa dreamcatcher necklace

Ciao for now, 
RuBe xoxo