Friday, 9 February 2018

Teen Parenting Woes


Hi lovelies!

It's been a crazy two weeks, parenting teens and young adults gets really tricky! They want independence, they need to make their own decisions and navigate their way in the world, in their own way. Being a blogger means I document life and struggles, however, my parenting woes with these young men cannot always be shared. They need their privacy and I usually obtain their consent for any images I share on my social media platforms or topics I'd like to raise on this forum. The teen suicide (read that post here) was one which was approved as well the post regarding cyberbullying (read that post here). Each day this parenting journey teaches me something new, makes me see myself differently and even though it pushes me to be better, makes me pull my hair out at times.

I read most mommy blogs, and can relate to all those issues faced by new moms, moms of toddlers and moms with young children. There are very few mommy bloggers, parenting teens or young adults, who are able to share their parenting stories or tips. This niche is practically non-existent and I understand why, because these young individuals need to develop and grow without added pressure. Social media and society today already place such ridiculous expectations on teens and young adults, that they really need a safe space where none of these pressures exist. They need to know that their home is a haven away from prying eyes, cyberbullies, peer pressure, school pressure and so many other concerns they are faced with today. Our young adults should feel safe enough to talk through their struggles and seek advice without judgement from parents. 
This is where parenting gets real! Our youth are faced with such grown up problems, that when I talk to my kids I have to consciously remember to be judgement free, I have to listen without the need to retort in shock or offend them. I have to practice empathy. I have learnt so many lessons from my kids about being the best I can be; as the saying goes "Kids do as you do and not what you say". So I have to constantly be aware that they are watching my behaviour, my reactions, how I solve problems and deal with conflict. They will instinctively model my behaviour.
So when I'm faced with having to discipline for an offence, and the offence is serious enough, I cannot jump into judgement mode or become confrontational. 
It's important to me to take heed of the following: 
  1. I preach respect for your fellow human, so I need to address them with respect, even when I am beyond angry.
  2. They are young individuals setting out in a very different world to the one I grew up in.
  3. I was young, with challenges too, and vulnerable to bad decision making.
  4. Honesty goes a long way, so if I expect honesty, I need to be honest with them in return.
  5. These young men need some space to find themselves, and at times a bad decision is made- this in no way reflects on them as individuals. Mistakes are made, but they can be assured that there will be consequences to every action and decision. Growing up means understanding the concept of consequences.
  6. Maturity comes with life experience, and what I know now, I certainly didn't know back then. 
Walking the line between being a responsible parent, being an understanding parent and holding myself in check is hard work! I listen to parents lamenting on how hard parenting is with younger kids, and I cannot help but look back and reflect on how simple parenting was for us back then. We'll never know what lay ahead, or how difficult society will be when our kids reach adulthood, so as cliche as it may sound: enjoy your little people when they are young, things become so complicated as they get older!


"In my world there are no bad kids,
just impressionable, conflicted young people
wrestling with emotions & impulses,
trying to communicate
their feelings& needs,
the only way they know how." -
Janet Lansbury

Today's outfit was one taken on one of those working days where I needed some space to get my thoughts in order. I tend to do this often when faced with parenting woes, mainly so that I do not burden them with my emotion in an attempt to keep our communication channels open and clear.
All these pieces are from previous seasons, remember: shop smartly!


















Outfit details:
Dress, gilet and leggings from H&M (abroad)
Shutz shoes
Louis Vuitton handbag
RayBan sunglasses
Sass Scarf
Old Earrings
Swarovski suede bracelet


Caio for now, 
ruBe xoxo