RuBe’s Closet - Modest Fashion and Lifestyle: modestfashion

Friday, 20 April 2018

Mistakes are a part of my 'human experience'

Welcome readers,

Frosty mornings are here, balmy days are few and will eventually go into hibernation, hopefully it will bring the onset of rainy days. We have just about a month to go before we start fasting, and as usual I start my preparation for this auspicious month. The month of spiritual renewal, self introspection and personal growth.

This year has already presented huge challenges and we're just past the first quarter, but I have realised that the more open I am to learning from them, the quicker I am able to deal with them and move on. At the same time I am also blessed with the most amazing opportunities. It's the cycle of life really, that challenges and trials usually bring about the growth and awareness to be open to new possibilities.

It is the very embodiment of :

"Verily, after every difficulty there is relief" - Quran, Al-Shahr

This is a concept I try and live with, and to instil the patience in my kids that whenever they're feel they've lost something, that it will bring about blessings. And even if it is just personal growth, and a life lesson, it is part of the journey of life. However, I do remember being a teen/young adult, and feeling as if I had the ultimate say on how my life turned out. I planned, plotted and had all these dreams I wanted to realise; and whilst I achieved them, it didn't come easily. At the time I probably didn't link my trials with my blessings; at that time gratitude was something which popped into my head periodically. It wasn't a daily practice, and yet I was still extremely fortunate. As a young individual a big portion of my awareness was focused on some really big life trials, and yet, without them I would not have had the tenacity or drive to achieve. I would not have had the single minded focus to reach for my dreams and conquer those goals.

And while I think back to my youth, and the struggles I encountered- I am also acutely aware of the fact that as a result of those struggles, I made a decision to protect my kids from such hardships. I consciously decided that they would never be faced with the same trials; and of course, back then I believed I was in complete control of this. What I have come to realise, as wisdom sets in I suppose, is that I am not in control of what their life journey is like. I may try to protect them as far as I can, provide the best home I know how and make sure that they have a safe haven to retreat to when necessary; but fundamentally their journey has been decreed. Within the confines of this Divine decree, I can only offer support and be a guide along the way. I do still berate myself when I feel I have let them down, or they have experienced some kind of trauma; as a mother the instinct to protect is natural. And when I take a step back I see that whatever has transpired has strengthened my son in some way, and instead of focusing on the problem, together we look for the lesson (with great resistance at first- because it's always easier to concentrate on the drama). It's a difficult thing, to stay the course and live consciously; even harder when I'm trying to set an example for my kids. My humanness means I will make mistakes, in my own life and journey, I suppose it's the way I deal with my own errors along the way that they will learn from. Even acknowledging to them that I have made a mistake is tough, but part of the lesson for me, and them, is to know that it's ok to err. Our character determines what we do after, accepting the mistake for what it is and moving on. I am prone to beating myself up about a bad decision, or wrong turn; and in time I come to understand that my humanness means I am not perfect. As a parent I will make mistakes, in rearing my children I will err, in living life I will take wrong turns, but ultimately my character will determine how I deal with it. And even then, I may still make blunders... I am human after all...

Today's lookpost brings the velvet from last season, back for the cooler weather. I have paired a velvet maxi with an old sweat top and sneakers for an everyday look. I was gifted this lovely scarf by Scarfstop, the wooden tassels and waffle fabric making it perfect for a draped look. Everything else has been in my wardrobe for some time and has been recycled for a contemporary look.

Outfit details:

Mango sequin sweat top

Gadija Khan velvet skirt

Converse sneakers

Scarfstop scarf

French Connection bag purchased abroad

Giorgio Armani sunglasses

Ciao for now,

RuBe xoxo

A New Landscape

TGIF Dear Readers,

The Easter holidays are behind us and somehow it has not been as relaxing as I would have hoped. Having a lot of loose ends to tie up and work had me busy throughout the break, I am just so thankful for one day of the long weekend where we spent time with friends in Montagu... It was a brief respite from the crazy, and restored my senses, even if it was just a bit.

The most significant change this holiday was having a young adult around, whose days were as long as mine, where he would return home after 12 hours of campus! He has taken to young adulthood like a trained pro, able to take responsibility for himself and make the necessary arrangements required to ensure his own success. Obviously, to get to this point, I went through many phases (read more here on the most recent one where he started university), the most notable being the nostalgic phase... Where I reminisced on so many milestones, funny moments and times when he was my little shadow.

Parenting a young adult is whole new ballgame, on new landscape with a whole different set of rules. I don't think I have familiarised myself with the new rule book, finding myself constantly embroiled in some debate or fight about new boundaries (again!?) Last year, around the same time I was struggling with similar issues (read Defying the rules here) and in hindsight, so much has changed, that despite heated debates, I no longer feel mentally drained when engaging in new negotiations. In this past year, I feel I too have matured in terms of my parenting, I have simmered a little bit and am able to deal with the new landscape without too much resistance and fatigue.

When parenting, there is so much new ground one has to cover every day, new challenges, both external and internal, that I have learnt so much from these young men. During this past year, whilst going through my own growth, I have also unconsciously developed new tools to deal with my young adults effectively. These new tools have all been developed with the help of my brood, their words of wisdom, their perceptions of situations and simplistic way of dealing with conflict. Without realising it, we have managed to set new ways of negotiation, and even though it feels like a fight, it is merely as simple as having to be ok that life today is vastly different to when I was young. I have had to listen to what their world is like today, and try to make compromises which would be suitable for both them and me. Without an understanding of their world; the boys and I would be at loggerheads every day and I would find myself mentally and emotionally drained. So with my ever evolving methods I continue to parent my young adult and two teens, while trying to maintain sanity and an remaining an integral part of their lives.

Today's lookpost features an oldie, a shirt dress which is probably older than 6 years, when Trenery was still a newish brand in SA. I love the bright coral colour, and the versatility of the dress which enables me to wear it in a variety of ways for a very long time!
I have added a favourite pair of Nine West SA heels, which is also a few years old - my go-to shoe brand which has now withdrawn from South Africa 😟, and a colourful Kate Spade sling bag purchased in Kuala Lumpur two years ago.