10 Lockdown tips which keep me sane

Hi lovelies,

I am unofficially on lockdown for a month and officially on the mandated lockdown for 3 weeks. It certainly isn't easy, and I know that anxiety, overwhelm and fear is high. Communities are in chaos as they try to comprehend the implications of this lockdown, as the end of the month draws closer with no possibility of income. Infection numbers are reported everyday and our senses are constantly assaulted with images from countries abroad, struggling to cope with their fast growing ICU cases, with the number of deaths escalating daily. All of this while being on lockdown can really be a recipe for alarm and panic, with many other socio economic factors adding fuel to the fire.

I have been taking lockdown in my stride, I am content, despite having my business and income ground to a total halt; and instead I prefer to keep focusing on how fortunate I am. I am trying to use what I DO have, what I have control over and plan for when we do resume trading again InshaAllah. I have found that placing my faith in the Almighty, that He will get me (and the world) through this, and managing what I am able to do to help those less fortunate, has been really therapeutic for me.

These are some of my tips for managing the kids and staying contained and safe during lockdown:

1. I maintain my routine, as mentioned in my previous post. I wake up at the same time each day, shower and get dressed as if I were going into the office. My weekdays are distinctly different to my weekends. I have still had to work (following up on cancellations and postponed trips), fulfilling financial and marketing functions; and Zoom meetings which keep my days full and 'normal'. I schedule any home school assistance in between and we set the times each morning.
2. I do the same with the family routine, we continue with our family dinners each evening around the same time as before, Ihsaan is awakened early on 'school days' and starts with work as if he was at school. His weekends and public holidays are days off as would have been the case outside of lockdown. His bedtime is also maintained on school nights, of course relative to what is appropriate for a 16 year old. 
3. On school days no Playstation games allowed; when he's done with school work, he has a break and we have some constructive time, where he will read for leisure, we'll play a game of chess or cook/bake.
4. It has been an adjustment getting into the swing of homeschooling, however one of the home schooling families from our school community shared some great tips when lockdown started. We read it in conjunction with Ihsaan, who told me what he can handle, what he feels comfortable with and what he would need assistance with. His schedule was then formulated together.
5. What has helped is having a resident math and physics tutor in the form of his older brother, I assist with English and Afrikaans (especially literature) and Ihsaan manages his other subjects independently.
6. Since the boys were little our home has been one of routine and as a result, even the two young adults in the home instinctively fall into a routine. They have each implemented their own routine, which suits their individual workload and much needed downtime.
7. Since we find ourselves in unprecedented times, and there is really no right or wrong way to manage the impact of this lockdown, I am also fully aware of how my own reactions, behaviour, anxiety and fears affect every one in my home. I therefore need to be very clear in how I manage myself; and whilst I do have my down days, we will discuss it as a family, how we're feeling about the situation and what we see in the news each day.
8. I understand that each of my kids are very different and therefore deal with their emotions and anxiety in their own way. So being aware of this, I try not to cloud the home atmosphere with my own stuff. I merely assure my family that I'm feeling a particular way (whether its worried, anxious or just low) and that they don't feel confused or the need to cheer me up. I can manage my own self.
9. I am thankful that even though we have been cooped up at home for more than a month, that the sibling fighting has been minimal; and we have decided to focus on what we can do from the comfort of our homes to assist the underprivileged. My boys have decided to donate cash from their allowance towards charity organisations, was a way of making a contribution. 
10. Since mosques are closed, we have our own Friday prayer ceremony. Every Friday we shower, prepare for 'Jumuah', get dressed and by 12:30 we're seated on our prayer mats together. We listen to the lecture on the radio before performing midday salaah, followed by our usual Jumuah lunch, which is a norm outside of lockdown as well.

The above tips work for me and my family, and routine has always been respected, no questions asked from a very young age. In fact, I do believe that it has provided an element of safety and stability for the boys as they grew up. So through modeling I have maintained my own routine in this difficult time. They know that my mornings in the garden is my quiet time and that it recharges my soul to be around nature and hear the chirping birds over the unusual silence of the neighbourhood. In the same way, I know what each individual member of my home needs to get through this; the rule in our home is to make allowance for that space. Our ethos is to be tolerant with each other, even though it may be difficult at times; the fundamental thing is to know that we each have our own behaviours which requires tolerance from the rest of the home. 

If things feel as if it is spiralling out of control at home, take a step back and consider what you may be feeling which could be contributing to this situation. Examine whether you are enabling this and affecting everyone else in the home, as children take their cue from us as the adults and role models. Know that they see, hear and feel everything; even if it is not spoken about. It is also ok to let them know if you do not know how to deal with a situation, or that you're struggling with lockdown; you're human and allowed to err. They will then feel less pressured when they see your behaviours, and understand that as the adult you too are trying to make sense of our new reality.

Wishing you all good health and a relatively easy remaining two weeks of lockdown. 

Some of my lockdown images... 

Ihsaan's choc chip cookies

All dressed up and with make up in the home office for a Zoom meeting

Doing a Macbeth lesson

I enjoy my garden and the time I am able to spend in it 

Easter Egg Hunt preparation

Games night has been one of our favourite family activites

Please STAY HOME, STAY SAFE and STAY HEALTHY. 

Caio for now, 

RuBe xoxo

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Are we blind to abuse?

Asalaamu Alaykum & Welcome Readers,

It's been a while since I popped in here and shared my thoughts, and with the start of Ramadaan I felt I really wanted and needed to share my musings. Firstly, things have been really crazy with the launch of our travel agency, The Travel Connexion as you may have seen on social media, and of course life continues in between. This meant that we have literally been working 24/7 to get things off the ground, and at the same time I am trying to balance that, my own work, home and family life. So unfortunately the blog took a back seat, but with the start of the fast, which is my time for reflection and introspection, I wanted to drop you a few lines.

My topic may seem a bit heavy for the start of Ramadaan, but this has been something that has been sitting with me for a while. And this post has actually been in draft since January. Abuse comes in many forms, and I have seen it and experienced it in every sphere of my life. What is disturbing is how blind we are to it, and how normalised it has become in our interactions with each other. Rather than talk about the more common versions which we all know without a doubt is abuse, such as domestic abuse, child abuse, emotional abuse and so on, I would like to highlight the more subtle versions which are carried out every day without anyone batting an eyelid. 

My belief, and I have said this many times, is that every single person needs to be treated with respect as a human being first. Therefore any violation of an individual's basic human rights is a form of abuse, this refers to malice, disregard for a person's humanity and feelings and emotional warfare. I refer to emotional warfare, which is actually launching a full on personal attack without having the decency of having a discussion first. I have been at the end of vindictiveness without even knowing the rhyme or reason, and while I am very clear that this says more about the other person than it does about me, I find it totally unnecessary. 

The not so subtle digs in the virtual realm is another form of abuse, where the person dishing it out cannot say or do it in person, and hides behind a screen. Furthermore, slander or gossip (or fitnah which is a serious sin in Islam) is another form of abuse, and strips the dignity of the one perpetrating it, Subgaanallah. Cyberbullying and feeling entitled to the right to tell someone off in a public space causes more harm than good, and has resulted in really dire situations for our youth. Spreading fake news and rallying sensationalism and anger are further ways of violating someone else's dignity, it is even worse if the information has not been verified nor addressed with the individual in question. 

Basically, abuse is perpetrated when one uses power and influence in an underhand way, when one intentionally sets out to harm another in a malicious and venomous manner. I cannot condone this behaviour, and truth is the only panacea for this kind of violation. I am raising young men, future generations of leaders, and to show them that it is OK to stand by an accept abuse would be to fail in my Divine duty to my Creator. It is also not OK to allow abuse to be perpetrated when it is within your power to say or do something, this too is a Divine order. 

As the month of Ramadaan approached, I found myself in the space of wrestling with this concept. And my guidance came when I supplicated and performed Tahajjud salaah (prayer performed in the last third of night and before dawn) : "Speaking the truth may not be the easy thing to do, but it is the only thing to do to end abuse." And furthermore, I needed to accept that whichever way my Lord has decreed it should happen, I will accept with Grace. I have also had to sit with what my role in any form of abuse is and has been, and to rectify this as best I can. It is not enough to point fingers and say that others are meant to rectify something when I am not prepared to step in and do the same. Accountability starts with me and it is the only way to open the heart to forgiveness. Afterall, I cannot ask my Creator for Mercy or for Forgiveness if I am not prepared to sincerely make room for this in my own heart. 

So as I enter this month, with a clear heart and conscience I will continue to reflect and introspect, and ensure that I engage in the world from a place of truth and authenticity. Knowing full well that whatever I expect on this earth is something I am willing to do myself. 

My motto: "Check myself first."

One of my favourite Hadiths:

On the authority of Abu Sa’eed al-Khudree (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say, “Whosoever of you sees an evil, let him change it with his hand; and if he is not able to do so, then [let him change it] with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart — and that is the weakest of faith.” [Muslim]

This look was clearly from two weeks ago, and I'm sharing it as it's a piece from the Huemine Image label, owned by my dear soul sister Aysha. This yellow python print piece jumped out at me when I popped into her studio. We've had this conversation around abuse many times, so I felt a little piece of her in this post is appropriate.💛

Outfit Details:

Lasercut Leather top (Old)

Huemine Image skirt

Shoes & Bag (Old)

Ralph Lauren sunglasses

Earring (Old)

Raw Silk Scarf (Old)

Caio for now, 

RuBe xoxo

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