Friday, 27 May 2016

The subtext of life

Hello dear readers, 
We have been blessed with another gorgeous day, this mornings sunrise was a combination of orange hues and fog, with a little bit of cloud scattering the dawn skies. 
This week has been filled with beautiful solemn moments, and perhaps they weren't all ecstatically happy moments, they were still filled with beauty. It's a blessing to see all of it, to experience each day with gratitude, for the good and bad. 
Earlier this week I had an interesting discussion with my second born around subtext, and how damaging it is. So often words are uttered with a hidden meaning, and that hidden meaning is intended to hurt or sting. The sting will be felt by the recipient, and yet it would seem as if you had said something that was seemingly kind and innocent. We discussed it for a bit, and he said that it is a norm in his peer group, that everybody says things that they do not mean, but has a different intention to what it seemed. It made me realise that adults do the same thing, when words are said with a (seemingly) simple meaning to the actual meaning. 
This is so damaging to society, and upon thinking about it, I realise that it is used everywhere. Politicians use it, media use it, advertising campaigns use it and parents use it. Statements are made with the intention of stirring emotion, and it may not look like it on the surface. As parents, we play a huge part in this, kids can pick up on unhappiness, tension and anxiety, and when they ask us if everything is ok, the answer is generally "Don't worry everything is fine...". By saying this we are teaching children to ignore their intuition, we are teaching them that even though they know something is not right, that it's ok to use untruths to soothe them. We teach them by example that subtext is the way to deal with each other, instead of just explaining in a simple manner what has really happened, or that something is indeed bothering you. Generally they may not need all the details, but just the assurance that what they feel is real, and that it is ok to verbalise it. By doing this we teach them to be honest in their dealings, it the kindest, most sincere way to function in society today. 
Honesty without the intention of inflicting hurt, is the most generous way to interact with people. Teenagers have so much to deal with as it is, and to add to it, by using subtext in almost every conversation, they will learn that they cannot trust their peers. They will learn to do the same, and because everybody is doing it, that is acceptable. They will instinctively feel when insincere words are being said, and in response they will accept it with artificial grace, but feeling the sting below the surface. 
I cannot stress how strongly I feel about this, about teaching our youth to be authentic with each other. This comes from us teaching our kids that it's ok to be themselves, that being themselves and loving themselves is the first step to successful relationships with others in society.

Today's OOTD features a light pink coat thrown over a lightly layered outfit. The day started out with sunshine and no clouds, and quickly changed to rainy and overcast, so I felt that even the weather held that subtext of a different intention. Hehe
A pair of leather ankle boots from two years ago finished off the outfit perfectly.

Outfit details:
New Look coat (bought abroad)
ZARA t-shirt 
Guess skinny jeans
Woolworths ankle boots
Michael Kors handbag
Scarf old
Caio for now, 
RuBe xoxo

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Friday, 20 May 2016

Without the darkness stars can't shine

TGIF Readers ❤

Today I breathe a huge sigh of relief that the end of this nightmarish week has arrived. I've had to look into and access some really dark places and then navigate my way back to being a supportive and strong parent and comforter.
There are certain events one never plans for, incidences that don't cross your mind, that you can never foresee you would have to prepare yourself (or family) for. This week my first born was faced with the tragic reality of the suicide of a classmate. A happy, always smiling, young man with whom he shared classes for almost 5 years. When the news hit, the school transformed into a sombre scene of tearful hugs and sobbing kids. 
The hardest part of this was seeing my son struggle with the emotion, the confusion and the sudden grief. It goes against the law of nature that young teens have to face questions around the mortality of a peer, more specifically the self inflicted mortality. It raises so many questions, the why, the what did I miss and 'was there anything I could've done to prevent it?'. I was at a loss for words, and couldn't find the assurances to make it all better to help him heal and move forward. So we sat together in silence for a long time, just processing the shock, grief and disbelief. Slowly he spoke, little titbits of information at first and then a barrage of how sad the situation was, how it was not fair that a life which shone so bright was extinguished, even if it was by his own hand. 

This incident brought back really dark times for me, and in some ways I could identify with that dark place this young man had found himself in. I could empathise with the feeling that as a teenager one may not be able to change the miserable circumstances you find yourself in, and that the only solution would be to just end it. I was fortunate enough to be able to clutch onto that little ray of hope that inspires one to do better, and be better and find better (whatever that may be). The reality of suicide is that the ray of hope had already been extinguished, and purpose had faded into nothingness. By the time one is in that place, it is so hard to find the way back alone. And as a teenager, it is imperative to find that someone who can talk you down, off the ledge and into a more hopeful space. 
There are many life events that my young man will encounter, and I know he will emerge stronger from trials, but as a parent I want him to know that I am here if he needs to talk. Even if we just sit in silence, he should know that we can work our way through any adversity together (if he needs) or he can heal in his own time (with me as backup support). He also needs to know and feel loved, and that in his darkest moments, that love won't waiver. 

Today's outfit, is a preppy comfortable look, a perfect mom-on-the-go outfit. A coated denim jeans with a lightweight knit, layered over a shirt for extra warmth. The Timberland boots were purchased abroad 2 years ago and recently I've seen the honey coloured pair at Sportscene.
The black is to symbolize the grief I felt this week and the dark moments our kids may find themselves in. 

"Without the darkness stars can't shine."

My outfit:
Mango V-neck knit
Banana Republic oversized shirt from Stuttafords
Soviet coated jeans
Timberland boots (purchased abroad)
Kate Spade bag (purchased abroad)
Scarf (old)
Accessorize Neckpiece

Caio for now, 
RuBe xoxo

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Tuesday, 17 May 2016

OnQ Makeup Workshop

Hello readers, 

Winter is upon us, with cold frosty air outside, and heated interiors, our skin takes a beating. My skin usually gets dry, flaky and tight, a sure sign that a richer moisturiser is needed for winter.

In February I attended the OnQ Makeup Workshop, it was so informative and fun! Qaanita is such a dynamic person, and oh so talented with makeup. The venue was light and airy, and yummy snacks provided for some sustenance during the workshop.

I am usually overwhelmed with all the makeup around, there’s foundations, primers, BB creams, CC creams and foundation spray on products. Don’t even get me started on the endless array of makeup brushes… I always feel like I haven’t done quite the right thing with the products, or that I may have chosen the wrong shade. It used to be a mystery to me how to apply makeup and now I don’t feel as intimidated by the world of make up!  

Qaanita started off by stressing the importance of taking care of ones skin with correct cleansing, removing make up at night, drinking lots of water and getting regular monthly facials. I follow these steps religiously and include exfoliation, and a regular moisturising mask. My skin treatments are done at Biodermal Aesthetic Clinic in Wynberg, a clinic which specialises in non-invasive treatments. Read more here and here on some treatments I’ve had done.  Sunscreen is of utmost importance, and Qaanita shared some handy tips on applying sunscreen and foundation and products which function as a sunscreen, moisturiser and primer in one!

We were taken through make up application step by step, and you are requested to bring along your own makeup bag, so that you are able to practise with your own products and obtain some guidance from Qaanita. This is a great help,  as she is then able to direct you on what you’re currently using, and if it is the correct shade and product.

Participants were shown how to create specific looks, apply lashes and ask Qaanita to chat about specific concerns as well as her opinion and synthetic vs natural brushes. The morning was so much fun, it was small and personal, and every one had the opportunity to have their individual make up issues addressed. 
It was such a enjoyable morning, and the most important thing I took away from the workshop was the confidence to try different looks and even apply some lashes. And how to perfect your brows, and  finished off of course with a glam goodie bag.

If you’re feeling intimidated or overwhelmed by makeup and its application, fear not, Qaanita will be hosting another make up workshop on 13th August, book here.
It will be money well spent, because I actually save by not buying unneccessary products any longer!

‘Makeup is Art,
Spirit is Beauty” 
- OnQ Makeup

Photo: Shezan Photography for OnQ Makeup
Photo: Shezan Photography for OnQ Makeup
Photo: Shezan Photography for OnQ Makeup

Watch here:

Caio for now, 
RuBe xoxo

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