Friday, 15 February 2019

Making my Circle Smaller

Hi lovelies, 

My first lookpost of 2019! Wow I cannot believe that January has already passed and we're already into week 2 of February! I feel as if I have been working for months already. Someone sent a meme in one of our watsapp groups which read "January was a tough year but we made it"🤭 It was so appropriate! Was your January so hectic as well?

Since my return from my travels, I have literally had my head down, in serious work mode. There have been occasional down times, but shew it's not only been busy, it's been rough! Despite this, I am, as always, thankful for lessons I've learnt through trials and continue to have faith that I am exactly where I am meant to be, doing exactly what I am meant to be doing. Faith is my only anchor to hold onto when I find myself flung from side to side along this road of life. And through it all I have a select few who stop along their own path, check that I'm ok and help me out if needed, before continuing on their own path. Four of them live in my home, others are scattered, some are even on a different continent. And yet, they are not too caught up in drama to stop, check in and then move along on their own journey.

It's a sobering realisation when you're man down, and cannot do much, not even cook for your family, when you see who steps into your space to help out. I've always known who these special people are, who are quietly in my corner, through the good times and the bad times. I've heard many people talk about how small their circles become when they decide to take care of themselves first, and no longer allow themselves to be mistreated. I get it, 100%. It seems as if self care is not allowed, a frivolous luxury even, and yet it is essential for connection. Connection being a genuine relationship with another, without the expectation of anything in return.

Apart from being sobering, the culling of my circle has been a difficult one, but also a liberating one. It's liberating to know that I don't have to be on my guard in conversations, for fear of saying the wrong thing, or that I need to show up in a particular way to please someone else. In my circles, I am accepted wholeheartedly, for speaking the truth, and being authentically me. I have had to hone the skill of knowing when there is no place for my authentic self in a situation; these are the times I have to walk away, without the need to justify me. In order to be true to myself, take care of myself, and honour my Creator, I cannot deny who I am. I cannot deny what my purpose is, or the truth, no matter how painful it may be. The hardest lesson of introspection is learning about what's happening within, it means being at peace with how I was constructed by the Almighty. I cannot take on anybody else's opinion on that, or let it influence me in my interactions in the world.

So I am navigating my way with a smaller circle, of people who matter, and to whom I matter. Ultimately this is important to me, for those who matter to me, make the effort to show up authentically and tell me the truth even when its ugly. And that too is ok, at the end of the day, it's hard to dispute true facts. And yet, in today's society it becomes a play on words to make the ugly truth seem more acceptable. Hiding from the truth, or pretending that something hasn't happened has become a skill we're modelling for our kids. I refuse to stand by and play a part in this. I have young men who look to me as a guide on how to to traverse the tough terrain of society, and I would want them to see that truth, and authenticity is the only way to do it . Furthermore, I am also fully conscious of the fact that whilst I do my best, I am still learning; and saying this to my kids is such an open authentic way,  means that it has taken away a lot of the stress of parenting (not all though!). So any wise words on parenting (at this point it's more like guiding since they're young adults) is always welcome :-D

The outfit in this look has been in my wardrobe since September I think, and I just didn't have the time to open the packaging, steam and wear. I was a bit intense with work, so I missed a quite a bit late last year. I'm now catching up, with a view to plan some me time. This floral ensemble reminds me of happy tropical holidays, and just brightens up the day.


Floral Suit from What Ladies Luv
Witchery heels
Country Road Belt
Accessorise bag
Zulululu earrings
Kashka Scarf

Ciao for now, 

RuBe xoxo

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Monday, 28 January 2019

Al Aqsa Part I

Hello lovelies!

I wanted to start off my latest travel piece with my experience in Jerusalem, it's been a longstanding dream of mine to see Palestine and visit the places I had heard about in the stories of our prophets. So because this leg of my journey was completely new, with some more life changing experiences , Al Aqsa, Part One is the first instalment. 

Last year was a huge year for me as I stated in my last post, and we had been discussing the possibility of an Umrah trip all year. However, until November, it didn't look likely and then after a whirlwind of planning, it became a reality. Just like with my Hajj, it was a trip with last minute arrangements, my dates were changing constantly because I was restricted by the late start of school holidays. And then I also needed to be back early enough for the release of my second born's matric results. Life was hectic at the time, work was keeping me busy with some last minute travelling, but Algamdulilah, everything worked out as it should have.

Since there were no tour groups departing as early in December as we chose, (I took Ihsaan out of school early 🤦🏻‍♀️) we decided to do Makkah and Madinah on our own and source our own hotels, ziyarahs and transfers. Since we had not travelled to Palestine before (and of course one hears many many stories about the border protocol), we preferred to join a travel group from South Africa. After deciding on an agent, which was the same one we travelled on hajj with, I actually received so many helpful tips from my readers. In hindsight I realised I could just have used that information to do the Aqsa leg on our own. This particular leg of my journey presented many challenges and lessons, and I remain grateful for every single experience. 

We arrived in Dubai airport early to connect with the agent's group (which we planned to coincide with their flight), after completing our Saudi leg. With intense anticipation, we boarded the plane for the three and a half hour flight. After an uneventful flight we touched down in Amman, Jordan just after 9am. As we approached the airport and taxied down the runway, all I could see was dry, mountainous, sandy terrain - a proper desert country much like the ones you'd see in movies. I was so excited to have arrived in a place which resulted in an Islamic historical tour like no other. We went through immigration and filled with some apprehension, onto a bus headed for the border.

Before setting off for our Aqsa leg, we were cautioned by the agent to travel with minimal luggage into Aqsa, this is mainly for ease of  movement with your luggage through the ancient cramped streets of the Old City. So you can choose a carry on, or a medium sized suitcase, whichever you prefer, or even a normal sized suitcase- as long as it is one suitcase and easy for you to carry/pull along, just be sure to pack enough for the time you'll be in Aqsa. If you're travelling alone and not part of a group, larger luggage pieces will delay you, but with the group you'll be delayed anyway, so it's really your choice. Enroute to the border, after driving for about an hour, we stopped off at a souvenir stop, where you can store any excess luggage which you won't need in Aqsa (this storage comes at a cost of approx US$5 per person). The drive to the Jordanian border took another 2-3hrs, where we then sat in the bus and waited an hour whilst officials checked our passports. Thereafter we proceeded to the Allenby Crossing/King Hussein Bridge heading to the Palestinian terminal. There are several checkpoints that the bus has to go through before arriving at the terminal. Once you arrive, your luggage will be unpacked from the bus. You collect your suitcase and enter the terminal building for the passport, luggage and body check. Ghaalid and my son, Ihsaan, went through pretty smoothly and I just had two extra checks and a scan before I was directed though immigration.  A barcoded ticket is issued and stamped (so there's no stamp in your passport) which you keep with you for your stay in Palestine. I breathed a huge sigh of relief as I exited the terminal on the other side... What I didn't realise is that members of our group had been held back for questioning, which meant that we had to wait outside the terminal building until they were released. (So it's a good idea to have a snack bag/ food packed for this wait).This took 3 hours, unfortunately when travelling with groups this process is unavoidable and can sometimes take longer. So the entire process of crossing from the Jordanian terminal to getting on the bus headed for our Aqsa hotel took us around 5-6 hours.

It was already dark by the time we boarded the bus to our hotel, around 5:30pm (sunset is around 4:30pm) and we were exhausted and hungry from 18 hours of travelling. After departing from our Madinah hotel at 9pm the night before we arrived at our Aqsa hotel at 7pm. The extreme cold as we disembarked from the bus hit us unexpectedly and we hurried into the warm, toasty, Christmassy lobby of the Holy Land Hotel. Eager to get into a shower, grab proper food (the last meal we had was on the flight for breakfast at 8am) we waited in the lobby for our room key. This was where our challenges started. We were allocated the incorrect room, a double room instead of a triple room, and our 14 year old son had been placed in another room to share with a young man. Upon enquiring with the front desk, it was clear that this was what our agent had booked - without prior discussion with us. This left us in a predicament; tired, starving and short on patience we waited for a further two hours while someone tried to sort it out. By 10pm, there was still no progress, and the stoic faced hotel desk clerk was unable to assist, we begrudgingly decided to take the one double room with the double bed for the one night, and sleep 3 on a bed. There was no way we were going to put Ihsaan in a room with a stranger, nevermind to share a double bed! We also had an early morning to prepare for and could not imagine waiting any longer and losing out on much needed sleep, so we complied, took our luggage, and settled in for the night. The room situation would be addressed in the morning.

Continued in Al Aqsa Part II, coming soon...

As I mentioned, this was the start of our logistical challenges, and whilst I was hesitant to even share them - I have recently been told by several families that they have chosen a travel agent based on my recommendation. I therefore feel duty bound to share my full experience, the highs and lows, with the intention of being transparent.

If you're considering travelling to Palestine as part of a group tour, please take heed of the following:

  1. Ensure that you have your detailed itinerary at least two weeks before your trip, so you are clear on every little detail. Most agents would mention a hotel with a disclaimer, or similar, which is perfectly fine- just ensure that your room allocation is correct. Once you're in Palestine, it is near impossible to get another room, over Christmas time. I also didn't have any clue which hotels I would be staying at in Amman and Petra- which I only realised when my documents were delivered the night before my departure (without said itinerary). 
  2. Sit down with your agent and ensure that you will have a representative to assist you with logistical matters whilst abroad. Most of the logistics are managed by a local tour operator, and the agents usually deal directly with them. If the agent's representative is not present, you have no recourse (like with us where we had the incorrect room booked, or my son placed in a room with a stranger), you're merely a third party engaging with the hotel and unlikely to be able to make changes. 
  3. Discuss the various legs of your trip with your agent, find out how long waiting times are, what the travel times and distances are like so you have a good idea how much time you'll actually have to explore the city. At the end we had 1 day free to explore at our leisure, which was less than I had expected.
  4. If you're accustomed to travelling, your experience will mean that you'll easily be able to correct any booking errors, but this will be at your own cost. This was one option we explored in trying to resolve our sleeping arrangements.
  5. Without a representative, you may not be privy to the full experience and could miss out on pertinent bits of the trip - I'll clarify this in my next post.
  6. Find out the group size that the agent will be taking, if it is too small, your agent will most likely enlist the services of a fellow tour operator to caretake your group in their absence. This did not sit well with me, as I felt at a serious disadvantage having to now deal with an agent (actually his representative who accompanied his Aqsa group), who first needed to attend to his own group, didn't know my booking requirements, and was now accountable to me to correct an obvious booking decision taken by my agent without my knowledge. I was told afterward that my request for a triple room was never secured, and therefore the second double room was booked, to be shared.

For first time travellers, or elderly travellers, I feel that it is essential to ensure that the above is in place. Without your agent being present, you will have no knowledge of bus departure times, any changes to your touring schedule or assistance with hotel issues. We experienced numerous challenges as a result of having no agent representation, so I cannot stress the importance of the above points enough if you're keen on travelling with a group. 

Alternatively, if you feel comfortable enough to travel on your own with your family (without booking through a travel agent), this is an option you may want to explore. You would then have full control of your own accommodation, tours and travel times.

I take part accountability for my challenges on the trip, not having insisted on a full itinerary at least one week before my departure. However, I am accustomed to a particular level of etiquette from travel agents, and this time I was sorely 

The landscape as we approached Jordan, dry and barren
The Jordanian airlines planes have a crown logo on the tail

As we were taxiing down the runway

Exiting the terminal to board the bus

The souvenir stop where we stored our luggage

Ciao for now,
RuBe xoxo
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Friday, 11 January 2019

18 Lessons learnt in 2018

Hello lovely readers!

I have been back home for just over 10 days and this week I started getting fully into the swing of things. After travelling for 3 and a half weeks, with 6 flights in between and a few long bus trips, I really needed to catch my breath and process all that we had seen and experienced on our journey. So I took some time out to come down from the constant high I was on during my trip, and was quickly drawn into reality by the release of my second-born's matric results last week. 

Before leaving South Africa, I was literally sprinting towards the end of the working year, which came to an abrupt stop when I boarded the plane. I still had a few things I wanted to sort out for work, so with all good intentions, I took my laptop along. I even started writing my final 2018 blogpost in the taxi after landing in Jeddah. Alas, my plans were thwarted when the laptop battery died, and I could not charge it as I didn't have my three-pin adaptor along (and none could be found in Makkah!). About a week later, my emails stopped working on my phone and iPad, so I really had no choice but to let it go.

I therefore had lots of time for introspection, and take stock of 2018, and the lessons, some of which wacked me sideways...

  1. I learnt to listen to and trust my intuition, this extends to relationships, work and my kids.
  2. I never have the parenting thing pat down, no matter how grown up my kids are, I need to be prepared for anything. The challenges are bigger and more complicated as they get older.
  3. January 2018 taught me to pay really close attention and to listen to the inner voice where my kids are concerned. If I feel that they need me, even if they look as if they're managing, it means they really do need me. It may not necessarily look the way I anticipate it, or what I think they need. I trust and know that they will tell me what is needed. 
  4. This was a big lesson: "In my world there are no bad kids,
    just impressionable, conflicted young people
    wrestling with emotions & impulses,
    trying to communicate
    their feelings& needs,
    the only way they know how." -
    Janet Lansbury
  5. Truth is key. Again, I learnt to be completely honest with my kids, even in terms of my shortcomings as a parent. This theme of truth carried through to all relationships, personal and business, and actually made life less complicated.
  6. I have very little tolerance for pretence, I chose not to participate in maintaining false pretences. It's disingenuous and makes a fool of me and others, as the truth always makes an appearance.
  7. Allowing others the space to grow and not to insert myself where I'm not needed. My control freak means that I have a tendency to want to 'fix' all problems. I learnt to let things be if it wasn't my place to get involved, I learnt to allow others to work things out in their own way and on their own terms. 
  8. To engage with everyone judgement-free - this at times becomes difficult, especially with our conditioning, what we've been taught since birth and our own issues. I fully accept that mistakes are part of my human experience as well as for others.
  9. Being mindful and taking my time to respond when dealing with volatile situations. It's always easier to react impulsively, but this is usually not the best way to for me to respond,  as it's usually from a place of anger, which just exacerbates the situation.
  10. 'Not everyone who smiles at you is your friend.' It has been an eye opening year, where people have revealed their true feelings towards me. They may try to keep it a secret, and again, intuition is an invaluable asset, so I see you! I get that am not everyone's cup of tea. This is ok, I have learned to accept that I will not appeal to everyone. I choose to live authentically, regardless of others' opinions and expectations.
  11. Embracing myself entirely, the good, the bad and the ugly. And every year, I learn a bit more about myself, see things I haven't wanted to before, and work at embracing those not so likeable things about myself (again). 
  12. My experiences on Hajj were really profound life lessons, and filtered through to every single element of my life last year. It also takes work to live your Hajj, as everyone says, but ultimately it has filled my life with so much Grace and Blessings, algamdulilah
  13. The Power of Duah (Prayer). There were so many trials during last year, many of which I did not how to handle or navigate. I believe that my prayers got me through the really trying moments.
  14. The importance of Tawakkul (reliance on, or trust in the Divine). Apart from carrying me through difficult times, the faith in my Creator has also meant that I was blessed in many ways. I am clear that only He knows what's in my heart and that is all that matters.
  15. Being thankful, and giving thanks is essential to my happiness and attracting more positive energy.
  16. To be very aware of my impact on others and to be responsible with my actions. I am a role model to my three young men, who will very soon be venturing into the world with all that they have learnt and seen.
  17. Focusing on my own journey will mean I do not have time (nor do I have the inclination) to be concerned with what anyone else is doing.
  18. Respect for my fellow human being is crucial, this extends to children, those from other cultures, religions and those with differing beliefs. Making others feel 'seen' and 'heard, and just being kind makes a huge difference.
I have documented a lot of these lessons in previous blog posts throughout 2018, but seeing it one place just cements the year for me. I don't do new year resolutions, except that I will continue to improve on myself, my interactions and most importantly focus on my connection with the Almighty InshaAllah. Hope you guys have all had a good start to 2019 ♥️

I have not yet taken the time to do a lookpost this year, and life very suddenly went into vacation mode last year. So I have put together some of my 2018 looks, most of which can be worn into this year; the importance of investing in classic pieces!

These looks were put together using so many existing pieces, with very few new purchases.
The Chimpel bag, sunglasses, suede boots, wrap dress and Vans sneakers were the only new additions in these looks. As always, buy smartly darlings!!

Ciao for now, 
RuBe xoxo

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Saturday, 17 November 2018

Thoughts on Hijabi Blogger Shaming

Hello Lovelies 😊

Without realising it, my year officially ends in two weeks, that means I have decided to take a break from work and the blog at the end of November for a well deserved break. I'll still be around occasionally on social media, but I am seriously in desperate need of some leave! Something I don't have the luxury of, unless I am out of town. This realisation dawned on me this week and put me in a flat spin, I have so much to wrap up before then! 

I have changed my topic of today's post based on a conversation in one of my watsapp groups which got me pondering. The topic was the removal of hijab by some huge hijabi bloggers. I have followed the journey of a few public figures who have decided to take this step,  a hugely controversial one clearly. And I am not going to go into the merits of the various cases, or the why; but it brought to the fore the issue around cyberbullying. I have written about this two years ago (read post here).
Whilst we only see the publicly shared information around this topic, the respective individuals would clearly be dealing with their own struggles, or just perception and outlook on life.

This brings me to my topic for today. I understand that the removal of the hijab is a highly charged topic, which will be fuelled by emotion, religion and personal opinion. However the first thing to consider is that these public figures are people first. They are human. And therefore experience struggles and trials like everyone else. The fact that they are public figures means that they cannot step out of the public eye to deal with issues, nor should they have to do that. The reality of being an inspiration or role model to others goes both ways, being an inspiration encouraging women to embrace their hijab stylishly especially the youth, is one. The other side of the coin is being an inspiration to those who struggle with it, I am not foretelling that they may return to hijab, but I believe that they will. And in this journey, women around the globe who struggle with this issue will find some kind of comfort in knowing that they are not alone. That a public figure may be grappling with the same stuff - who knows, it could touch them in a way which encourages a journey to hijab.

I see all the negative comments aimed that these young women, the hate that's directed at them and cannot help but feel empathy for someone having to navigate that landmine of negative energy. Noted, it would have been expected. I am also very aware that making the decision to do something so controversial, with the world watching, takes a lot of courage, and hard work to be completely clear with the inner self. It requires knowing yourself intimately, trusting yourself and your inner voice; which is something very few master in today's society. Whatever decision they make is based on their own life journey, and that's exactly what blogging is about; being able to express yourself in your own space. It feels empty when content is aimed at what's popular or acceptable at the expense of authenticity. I would much rather read about a real journey; and whether they share their struggles or not, is also their prerogative. It has been said that they are influencing young women to follow their lead and abandon the hijab, which I believe is highly unlikely. Any person wearing the hijab would not (or should not) do it because of anyone else, as this is a highly personal decision.  

These young women are no different to celebrities who go through their struggles publicly. And relating it back to someone like Demi Lovato, who has publicly struggled with alcohol and drug abuse as well as bulimia and an eating disorder. All the negative comments, and cyberbullying rants were peppered with encouragement. Her story has been publicised to inspire and encourage those going through the same struggles, it has not been publicised to encourage substance abuse. I am not saying removing the hijab is a struggle as I do not purport to know the motivation despite what is being shared, but in exposing negatives one can move to a place of healing and improving on the self. I choose to look at life in this way, I cannot stand in judgement of any of these individuals as I live with my own faults. I know and experience my own struggles, and not all of them are blogged- but they filter through many decisions and in the way I navigate the world.

With this post I would like to urge you to look at these young women, consider how you would react if she were your daughter, sister or friend... Would you find some understanding and empathy in your heart instead of rushing into immediate judgement?
This was a quote I shared in a post earlier this year on the trials of raising teens (read that post here), and I believe is appropriate to share now:

"In my world there are no bad kids,
just impressionable, conflicted young people
wrestling with emotions & impulses,
trying to communicate
their feelings & needs,
the only way they know how." -
Janet Lansbury

Todays look features a vintage nautical blazer, sequinned t-shirt and jeans- a definite holiday mode look.

Outfit details:

Vintage blazer
ZARA t-shirt (old)
WW jeans
Superga sneakers
Accessorize floral scarf
Earrings old
Chimpel leather bag
Zulululu sunglasses

Ciao for now,
RuBe xoxo

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