A Heart Wrenching Farewell

Hi lovelies, 

We currently find ourselves in the midst of Hajj season and we have just emerged from a week where four very close family members, which include a brother, departed to perform their pilgrimage this year. Whilst it is a huge blessing to have this wonderful excitement, it is also overwhelming trying to spread oneself across all the homes. In addition, I also have a long list of friends and acquaintances who depart/have departed for pilgrimage. But of course, it is still with a sense of nostalgia that I navigate this special time.

It is so appropriate for me to end my #HajjSeries on the anniversary of the day I departed for Hajj last year, 25 July 2018. My journey, as you will have read, was an absolute life changing experience; one where I still uncover a little more everyday. Each day is a day where I am tasked with living my Hajj to the best of my ability. 

The last instalment covers how we spent the last few days in Makkah post-Hajj. We had a full week after Hajj before we would depart for home, and the first thing I needed to do to be fully free to do anything, was to complete my Tawaful Ifaldah and exit the state of ihraam. Once I had done this, hubby and I decided to check ourselves back into our hotel a few meters away from the Haram, as I could not see myself spending my last few days in Makkah (in Azizziyah) so far from the Ka'bah. I wanted to get as much time in the Haram, without needing to be concerned with the logistics of travelling to and fro. I was also very aware that each and every minute was precious, and that as much as I planned to return, this is not always within my control. So the time that we were here, I'd make every second count! Many people say that post-Hajj one misses the kids, and home; this is true, but for me the magnetic pull of the Ka'bah superceded this. The constant buzz I was on just by being in central Makkah was exhilarating and a feeling I will never forget.

Apart from spending all my free time in the Haram, we decided to be typical tourists and explore Makkah and its surrounds on our own. One day we used the local mini-bus taxi and left to spend the day touring Jeddah. I wanted to perform a waqt at Masjid Al Rahma (also known as the floating mosque on the Red Sea), let the warm waves of the Red Sea wash over my feet and visit the spot where Gouwa (AS) was buried (this has now been flattened by the Saudi Government). We also visited the Mall of Arabia, where I did some shopping and even stumbled upon an Ocean Basket! Algamdulilah - My wish for sushi was granted in the last week of our journey!

Once back in Makkah and sightseeing done, we spent all our free time in the Haram, by the Ka'bah. As the days passed, the heavy feeling of farewell started setting in, and with it the sadness that this altered reality we were living in would soon end. I was looking forward to being reunited with my boys after 7 weeks away, and at the same time I was torn with my intense need to stay right there. Even though it was post-Hajj Makkah was still unbelievably full, and we were so fortunate to have had some moments of complete peace and momentary respite from the crowds. Our last Thuhr, we spent sitting on the mataaf, sun hidden behind the clouds and a practically non-existent tawaaf crowd. As I sat there, and the realisation dawned on me that this was my last Thuhr, the tears started flowing, as I knew this significant time was nearing its end. It was difficult to comprehend what life would be like without the constant draw of this captivating city.

We performed our Tawaaful Widaa just after Fajr on the Sunday morning before we flew out. The crowd was enormous and with each circumambulation we walked slower and slower, wanting this last tawaaf to last, needing to commit every single footstep to memory. The sight of the sunrise in the east as we performed tawaaf was a reminder that the day for our departure had dawned, the birds circling the mosque a reminder that life continues outside of this sacred city. Life back home which we would soon be re-joining. When we were done, I was practically sobbing as hubby made a final duah before we turned around and walked out King Fahd gate for the very last time on this journey. It is hard to articulate the heartbreak at that moment, the heart wrenching feeling of leaving your soul behind in this revered city. I remember filming every single moment of my walk out of the Holy Mosque, and returning to the hotel. Our sorrow was evident in the silent tears coursing down our cheeks, not talking and just walking side by side, and finally packing our things to return to Azizziah where the bus would collect us for the airport.

I believe this farewell to have been one of the most difficult moments of my journey, and even as I reminisce on it, I relive the desolation. The only light is my focus to return for umrah very soon InshaAllah ♥️
As we embarked on the bus to leave, I reflected that it has been an experience like no other, where I managed my trials with hardiness and grace. And I breathed a sigh of relief as we entered the highway en route to Jeddah airport. Little did I know that the journey is not done until you set foot back in your home. Our bus driver got horribly lost for about 2 hours, and a trip which was supposed to take us roughly hour and a half, took over 3 hours. In a dilapidated bus, the likes of which I had not even glanced during my entire trip, with dodgy aircon. About two hours into the journey, I needed to use the bathroom, and was unable to whilst we were driving in circles. After about 4 hours with a full bladder, I broke out into a cold sweat as my one semi-functioning kidney and bladder started aching. I am so grateful when we approach the airport and no additional buses were allowed into the airport, instead we would have to wait on the outskirts until some flights had taken off. At this point I felt faint, and could not find a ladies bathroom to use, so I grabbed hubby and used the men's loo which was the absolute worst experience of my entire trip! The moral of this story for me is that the journey is not over until you're back in your own home!
So the saying about taking bags of sabr (patience) along is not an underrated saying at all!

On this year milestone, I realise how much my perspective on life has changed. May all our 1439  Hujaaj be granted a Hajj Maqbool, and Hajj Mabroer InshaAllah, and may all their trials be accepted and managed with ease.

Performing Tawaaful Ifaldah

In Azizziyah Main Road 

Azizziyah Main Road  

In the mini-bus taxi

A suburb in Jeddah, Al Balad

Masjid Al Rahma where we performed Asr Salaah

All I wanted to do is sit with my feet in the Red Sea :-) 

Mall Of Arabia, Jeddah

Quran monument as you approach Makkah from Jeddah

Waltzing around in Azizziyah post-Hajj

The last sunrise, after our Tawaaful Widaa 

The empty mataaf after my last Thuhr

Touristy Selfie

This was such a treat for me, sushi, at long last!

The manager of Ocean Basket, Jeddah, treats all Saffas with a discount :-D

Exiting through King Fahd gate for the last time of my journey

Caio for now, 

RuBe xoxo

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35 days in Makkah

Asalaamu Alaykum readers, 

Ramadaan is in full force, and I constantly find myself yearning for the Haram at various times in the day. There is something really magical about this month that reinforces my experiences of Hajj every single day. There are times where I recite in the tranquil space of my home, and I'm instantly transported back to Madinah, where I spent countless hours reciting in the Haram. 

My last post Makkah post ended with our first Umrah, where I found myself on this amazing high, unable to think of anything else but the majestic Baytullah. I was transfixed with the reality of actually being there in person and able to rest my gaze on this most beautiful view. Upon returning to our room after umrah, I rushed to the window with the hope that I'd be able to see the Ka'bah, I could however just see the Mataaf (the area just outside the entrance). The significance of the first Umrah still sat with me, and continued into the next day. Once we had a little nap after breakfast to restore our energy, we headed out to explore. This vibrant city had already taken residence in my heart, and I was entranced with every step I took around Makkah. The malls are filled with shops and stalls, fast food places, the ever present Bin-Dawood, and of course thousands of people navigating their way around the Haram.

The Haram is obviously the centre and the heart of this city, pulsing hundreds of thousands of people in and out every hour. We were fortunate to make it to the Haram for every waqt and grabbing a great spot for salaah (prayer) was relatively easy in the first two weeks. Makkah started filling up really quickly after that, and at every turn, I was faced with a fellow Muslim from a different country. It was overwhelming to know that there were 3 million people headed for this city to fulfil the final pillar. All our time was spent in prayer in the Haram, catching up on sleep and eating. Some time was spent shopping, although we did most of our shopping in Madinah to ensure maximum time in the Haram.

We were so fortunate to have spent over a month Makkah. 35 Days!!

This included our time in Azizziyah and Mina, and yet, when I reflect back it sped by in a heartbeat. We were in central Makkah until 4th Thul Hijjah, ie a total of 19 days before we left for Azizziyah (I'll cover Azziziyah in another post). We felt that this move to Azziziyah would be essential, to have those 3 nights in Azizziyah to rest up and prepare for the 5 days of Hajj. It provided me with time to disengage from the Ka'bah and focus on my spiritual preparation for Hajj.

Those 19 days are indelibly etched in my memory as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. In between waqts we would perform tawaafs, usually one per day, which we did at various times. After Thuhr and before Asr used to be very quiet, but in the heat of the day. Or between Maghrieb & Eshaa, which was cooler, but fuller. The most extraordinary thing is that even though the area around the Ka'bah would be unbelievably congested, we would always find a place. And even better, we'd even find ourselves close to the Ka'bah Algamdulilah! We performed every single tawaaf right by the Ka'bah, often with masses and masses of people. 

Our travel operator took us on a few ziyarahs, to see Jabal Rahmah (Arafat), the Mina Camps, we did a walking tour to the birthplace of the Prophet (PBUH) (almost on the Mataaf) and visited Jabal Thawr. Jabal Thawr is the mountain that the Prophet (PBUH) and Abu Bakr sought refuge in for 3 days and nights from the Quraysh. The feeling of walking in the steps of our Islamic history is so powerful and so intense. We also performed a midnight climb up Jabal Nur, to the cave (Hira) where the Prophet (PBUH) received the first revelations of the Holy Quran during the month of Ramadaan. I felt so honoured and privileged to be able to perform 2 rakats in this cave, on the very same place as our beloved Nabi Mohammad (SAW), Subghaanallah!♥️

Our Hajj group also performed a few Umrahs afterwards, and we also chose to do some on our own. Another exceptional moment for me was celebrating my 40th birthday on Hajj, and performing an umrah with hubby just after Fajr that morning. I cannot even describe the fullness of my heart on that morning, except to say that gratitude and awe are very mild words to capture my feelings. All that I know is, when you're on Hajj, it becomes very clear why we revere our Hujaaj so much. My dialogue with the Almighty is so sacred, it is as clear as day, and I could tangibly feel the mercy, the all-knowingness,  of my Creator every single day on this journey. It has been something that has remained with me since, and I try to be conscious of this all the time, striving to live and performing my prayers with the same manner of supplication.

 

Day 1 after the first Umrah

It was really empty during the first two weeks

Jabal Thawr in the background

Jabal Rahmah

Mid-day Tawaafs

After climbing Jabal Nur (Hira) & performing two rakahs in the cave 

The birthplace of the Prophet (PBUH) in the background

The gate closest to the place where the house of Khadija 

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Makkah... Where my soul resides ♥️

Asalaamu Alyakum readers, 

After many Hajj posts, I am so happy to finally chat about the place where I left my soul... the Holy City of Makkah. From the moment we entered Makkah, I felt at home, like I was answering a call which only my soul could hear.

After our first Umrah, we were on an indescribable high. It was around 2am in the morning when we were done, after the exit from ihraam had been completed, and a refreshing shower to wash away the days travel from Madinah. There was hardly time to sleep before we'd need to be up for Tahajud, and since it was my first night in the Holy city, I was not about to miss anything! So we snoozed for an hour or so, and around 3:30am made our way down to the Haram for Tahajud. Since we were amongst the early arrivals, Makkah was not as crowded yet and we found a great spot (for women, the best we can hope for is an uninterrupted view and as as close as possible to the Ka'bah whilst performing salaah). I was more than happy to just be able to perform my prayers in the most sacred mosque in the world... And after the first prayer in the Haram, despite the exhaustion starting to set in, the wonder takes over...

I could not bear to tear my eyes away from the Ka'bah; I was transfixed, I was in awe that I was actually standing at the very spot to which I point my prayer mat to every single day. There was a tangible magnetism that drew me nearer and nearer to the Ka'bah with every passing moment. A pivotal moment, which sealed the bond with my soul, was during our Tawaaf on the eve of our first day, where were granted the opportunity of touching the Ka'bah. The smell of the brick was intoxicating and the tears flowed readily as my forehead touched the walls of the Holy Ka'bah. It was astounding how everything in my life paled in comparison to the enormity of that moment and just being an honoured guest at the house of the Almighty. I knew that this was indeed a moment I had been preparing for all my life. The realisation that I was born ready to perform my pilgrimage, and supplicate on these magnificent marble floors was prevalent in my mind. Every moment I spent in the Haram has been indelibly imprinted in my memory bank, every step along the sa-ee a tribute to the monumental role of women in our religion. 

When the tiredness eventually took over, and hunger started setting in, we headed back to our hotel. By this time our sleeping patterns were already erratic, having undergone a shift during our stay in Madinah; so time was governed predominantly by the prayer times. Back at the hotel we decided to catch another hour or two of sleep before heading to the breakfast room. One thing I am eternally grateful for is the absolute luxury and comfort of our hotel room, as well as the proximity to the Haram. We literally stayed across the road, about 200m from the Haram entrance which was a convenience one cannot underestimate during the crowded Hajj season. (To walk 200m can take 20 mins with a massive crowd). The advantages of our hotel meant we could easily pop back to our room for a quick snooze in between waqts, without having to worry about being in time for the next waqt, or being able to find a good spot for prayer. The comfort of the hotel soothed our fatigue and the extensive breakfast spread each morning provided adequate sustenance for the day, especially since I do not easily eat the fast foods or food on offer around Makkah. 

From the stories we were told I expected a more authentic Saudi experience, however, Makkah is a bustling, modern city. With pilgrims walking about, sitting in contemplation, or praying everywhere. The high rise buildings and hotels surrounding the Haram is progressive with many more in the process of being built. The heat felt less intense than Madinah, and this could be attributed to the fact that we walked a shorter distance between our hotel and the Holy mosque. There are taxi drivers peddling at every corner and so many 'malls' and shopping centers to choose from! It could be an overwhelming experience to be in Makkah, especially after the tranquility of Madinah, but I felt completely at home. I had instantly fallen in love with the aura of the Holy city, with the captivating power this city had on me. My first day/s were spent in constantly vacillating between getting some rest, eating and wanting to be by the Ka'bah. It took a few days for us to find a new routine for the next 19 days. 19 Days & 3 Jumuahs!! We were really blessed to be able to spend the bigger portion of our trip so close to the Ka'bah, which ultimately made our ibadah easier, and afforded us the advantage of lots of hours in the Haram (without much difficulty) Algamdulilah!

I can talk about Makkah (in fact my whole trip!) for ages and have so much to share♥️

 But for now, I will try to keep it in bite sized tidbits, and highlight the moments which will hopefully inspire those waiting to venture on this life changing journey.

This very moment has been branded in my memory for always ♥️

All opulence and modernity on the Mataaf 

The area for women closest to the Ka'bah to perform salaah when the Haram is packed

Ladies areas are cordoned off 

The iconic clocktower, which houses several hotels, a mall and various souks

The area behind us is a built next to the clocktower and houses the Hilton hotel,
the fountain marks the site of the home of Abu Bakr RA

Ciao for now, 

RuBe xoxo

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Madinah to Makkah... The first umrah

Hi lovelies!

I've been so busy doing Hajj write ups this week, that I felt it was appropriate to do my next instalment. I have also chatted to so many people and I cannot contain my excitement for the prospective hujaaj, for what they're about to experience! Right now, for prospective hujaaj, hajj may seem like it's still far off, with all the administration and preparation required ... but trust me, it will be here in a flash!

After spending a spiritually rejuvenating 12 days in tranquil Madinah, we prepared to depart for Makkah. Prior to leaving, our spiritual leader held refresher umrah classes, discussed the history and generally got us into the right frame of mind for our approach to Makkah. This was the next step on our life changing journey, one where we've accepted the most important invitation of our lives. For me, it was a journey I had pictured in my minds eye for years, I even had a vivid dream (years prior to this journey) of my first sight of the Ka'bah. So the prospect of finally realising this dream and fulfilling a life-long aspiration had me in tears and filled with anticipation. I was preparing for the monumental moment where I stepped into the Haram for the very first time. 

We were briefed on logistics, and were ready in our ihraam (special clothes required) to leave the hotel. For women normal attire can serve as ihraam, and doesn't need to be white, for men however, the ihraam constitutes the two pieces of white cloth. As with any movements for hujaaj during this time, the Saudi government provide buses for the 450km journey into Makkah. About 15 minutes outside of  Madinah we stopped off to perform Thuhr (mid -afternoon prayer) and made our nieyah to enter into the state of ihraam (we were already dressed in the garb). 

The bus ride was actually an unexpectedly pleasant one, especially after the horror stories I've heard from previous hujaaj about how awful this bus ride is. We made one stop along the road to eat and navigated our way through various checkpoints before arriving at our hotel. We left Madinah just before 1pm and arrived at our hotel after 9pm, this is after all the security checks and delays, but overall it was still a good trip! Soon after getting our luggage and checking into a very lovely hotel room, with a view facing the Haram we were ready for our umrah. Our group made arrangements to meet in the foyer an hour later, and in the meantime hubby and I explored a bit looking for food. 

We met up with our group, each and every one on a spiritual high, with our hotel just across the road from the Haram, we didn't have far to go. As we entered, through King Fahd gate, our spiritual leader prepared us for the first sight of the Ka'bah. We kept our eyes downcast, as we descended the stairs towards the Ka'bah, filled with wonder and awe. We then stood in front of the Ka'bah, our eyes still downcast, and only when we had our duah for this very moment prepared, did we look up. It was breathtaking, emotiona,l and before I realised it, the tears of gratitude and awe were streaming down my face. I really needed a few moments to take it all in; to absorb the magnitude of this moment, to  digest the fact that I was indeed a guest the house of Allah (SWT)! ♥️ This moment is one that will remain etched in my memory bank forever. Algamdulilah!

We proceeded to perform our tawaaf (7 circumambulations) with a relatively empty Haram (by this time it was already past 12am) and thereafter the Saai. Throughout this I could not tear my eyes away from the Ka'bah, this monument to which I have directed my musallah for prayers every single day. It was now an actual physical presence, with such magnetic attraction I didn't want to leave.  Had we not been beyond exhausted, I'd want to stay for hours more. After the saai, we clipped the hair and returned to the hotel room to freshen up, shower, change and grab an hours shut eye before Tahajud.

This experience is like nothing I have ever encountered, the spiritual high is inexplicable and so grounding. It's as if I had found the place which communicates with my soul. This is where my soul is at HOME, the place which will forever call for my soul to return!

Ready to leave our hotel

The bus was pretty comfortable for the long drive ahead

The mosque at Bir-Ali

Shortly after entering the state of ihraam for the first time

The 'rest stops' along the route to Makka

The road between Madinah and Makkah is mainly barren, rocky desert

After completing our first umrah

Ciao for now,

RuBe xoxo

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