A Quarter Century plus One

 Hi lovelies, 

It's been ages since I even ventured to this page and 'penned' my thoughts, this space, which is usually where I go to to express my thoughts. However, I have been re-reading my older posts, and re-visiting some of my insights and revelations which I have experienced along my journey. 

But this week, my upcoming anniversary felt like the right time to return. This month is always a reflective one, where I look back at the year that has passed, and years before that. I use this time to see how much I have grown, how my family has flourished; and to give gratitude for every single blessing Algamdulilah. This is a period of reset for me, and despite the current challenges faced in my industry, I take stock of my intentions and plans (usually set during the month of Ramadaan) and continue to look ahead. 

Today marks my 26th anniversary, our celebratory vacation last year was cancelled, this year we had planned it for early in 2022 and I remain hopeful that we will get to travel soon again InshaAllah. As I sat and contemplated this past year (in fact the past two), I am humbled at the blessings and favours that have been bestowed upon me through this time. There were times where I broke down, tears streaming down my face as I prayed for guidance and strength. There were occasions when husby had to pick me up, console me, talk me through the trials I faced, and just be there for me at my lowest moments. And through these lows, I have persevered, WE have persevered, and grown in mutual understanding. Our family unit has bonded and become closer, taking care to continue

So today's post is one of humble gratitude, for the trials we have weathered together, and more importantly, the deepening friendship and love that has accompanied us on this journey over the past two years. When lockdown hit, we were placed in each other's space 24/7, and since we haven't returned to office, we've continued working from home, together. If we can make it through almost two years of being around each other for 2 years... we  can make it through anything ♥

I therefore dedicate this post to my long-time partner, my soul mate, best friend, cheerleader and sounding board. For all the patience, dedication and commitment you have towards us and our family. 

My love,

As the sands of time pass by, 

We become more entwined, more in sync;

Our thoughts mirrored in the other, 

Comforted by understanding of the road the other has travelled.

These months have tested our resolve, 

It has shown us the beauty of Divine Love and Blessing, 

These months have taught us the essence of faith and humility. 

And through it

We have grown, as individuals, as a partnership, as a family unit;

We have grown as parents and our charges have shown us the light. 

Our days have been uncertain, still is; 

But what is certain is that I'll be in your corner, 

And you in mine, 

Quietly supporting and loudly applauding.

I remain in awe of the blessing you have brought to my life,

Constantly aware of how my my Creator loves me, 

To have placed you on my path. 

I remain honoured to be by your side, 

Through thick and thin, 

As you fight for us and our family...

As you love us unconditionally, 

Keep us safe and as you serve us with your entire being.

I love you, 

Always,

I love you, 

to Infinity

Happy Anniversary my Rock 

♥️

Caio for now,

RuBe xoxo

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A few tweaks is all that is needed

Hi lovely readers!

I've been immersed in Ramadaan and when I reared my head, I realised that we had entered the last 10 days/nights 🤲🏼. As usual this month has been filled with so many blessings, I can tangibly feel the mercy of my Rabb and the sacredness of my time.

Last year we were catapulted into a very restricted way of observing Ramadaan, and yet the solitude and isolation turned out to be an amazing gift of a beautiful time. It allowed us the space to introspect, perform taraweeh in our homes, create new family bonding moments and to practice gratitude for our homes, food and health. This year, as we have emerged a from most of the restrictions, for many, Ramadaan has reverted back to the norm. I have not fully emerged from the solitude, I am finding comfort in isolation as it has allowed me the ability to contemplate more deeply, to strip away illusions more effectively without unnecessary noise. My prayer and reflection time is intensely heartfelt as I engage in supplication, reflection and examine my own engagement in the world; and how I serve and fulfil my purpose. 

This past year has forced us to focus even more on the transient nature of life, as many of us are missing loved ones as we stare at empty seats at our dinner tables. It has taught us the power of prayer and faith, as everything we believed we could control, suddenly shifted beyond our reach and power. The reality of the Divine Plan has never been more strongly felt, and the potential of surrender never more promising than right now. I am certain that every single person has been affected in a myriad of ways by this pandemic; from losing loved ones, being infected and struggling to recover, loss of income, heightened abuse and mental health challenges, to mention a few. I am therefore so thankful for the energy and spirituality of this month; through contemplation and introspection, I can see how everything that has transpired has happened FOR me, not TO me; I am able to embrace the strength that I have dug deep down to find bu the Grace of my Creator. HE has brought me through so many traumas before this, and HE will bring me through this too Subgaanallah.

One of the most liberating effects of lockdown is that my duty to serve, and fortify myself in my purpose, has become my sole focus. Working at being the best version of me, without outside noise this past year, has been nothing short of life-changing. I start every day with gratitude for being alive, for my health, for my strength, my mind, my heart - all of which I will continue to honour-  as these gifts equip me for whatever has been decreed along my path Algamdulilah.

These last 10 days is to be spent, as far as possible, in supplication for refuge and bringing us closer to the Divine. I pray that you are able to find the spaces to engage in deep dialogue with our Creator. May this last few days bring you peace, fill your soul and surround you with blessings InshaAllah.

In the spirit of the end of Ramadaan, I have decided to include my usual repurposing Eid styling inspo for those who are keen to upcycle outifts. I have been doing this for the past few years, and by merely changing up a few elements, it transforms the entire outfit to one that has never been worn before! For this lookpost, I chose a simple Milk Flared white Abayah with pockets from iera designs and glammed it up with accessories, most importantly- a feather jacket☺This look shows how you can take any piece and make it Eid ready! The jacket, scarf, shoes and bag are all existing pieces in my closet, which, when paired together results in a pretty Eid-worthy outfit.

Let me know what your thoughts are on re-purposing, I have already received resounding agreement to upcycling for Eid.

Milk Abayah from iera designs

Feather Jacket - London purchase

Suede heels- old

Forever New bag

Rose Gold Scarf from Rif Wrapped

Sunglasses - old

Ciao for now,

RuBe xoxo

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Another milestone Ameer, turns 21!

 Welcome lovelies, 

As I sit down to honour my second born on his 21st birthday, I am overwhelmed with emotion: for the huge milestone of having another young adult in my home and for the absolutely demanding year and all that we have weathered in our little home. Lockdown hit my second born the hardest, he is the most outgoing and social; he loves his campus life, went to gym on a daily basis and used to spend at least 2 nights a week playing soccer. When we entered level 5 of lockdown, all his activities came to an abrupt halt, and life went into hibernation mode. He's always been a busy young man, evidenced by his early  impatience to become easily mobile, as a result he was already sauntering about way before his 1st birthday.

Throughout his life, he has striven for excellence, mastering every single task he undertook with unwavering focus. Every single challenge was embraced and dealt with ease, ensuring that he navigated his first 21 years with many opportunities to learn and expand his horizons. We have indeed been Divinely gifted with this young man placed upon our path, he has brought enlightenment, immense growth and personal development. He is testimony to the beauty and suitability of The Divine Plan.♥️

Being a parent to another 21 year old young man is a massive responsibility, a sacred duty which I take seriously. Parenting has resulted in an expanding of my own horizons; it has meant being faced with my shortcomings and learning to navigate with this knowledge. I am more aware now of what being a parent is all about; as I look back fondly at the simpler times, where it was all important to complete a collection of Pokemon tokens, or scoring goals in his club soccer match. Parenting young adults is fraught with different trials and new lessons, it distinctly highlights how much you have grown, from when idealistically set out on this journey. While being a young adult means they're stepping into the world of adulthood, my heart still holds them close as my 'babies' and I can vividly remember our bonding moments where they could fit snugly in my lap. My most precious memories being of feeding time, where the world stood still as my body nourished these little humans. This alone was one of the wonderful parenting duties I am most grateful to have been able to perform. Or reading before bedtime... or bath time or the very first day at school. These moments are countless, and keep me warm and fuzzy through those times when I start to feel the inevitable separation. 

Ameer, as you stand on the cusp of adulthood, I take this moment to honour your presence in my (and our) life:

 

My adventurous, fearless and bold young soul, 

You have ensured that our home is lively

With your busy energy and abundant bustle.

The thirst for knowledge driving you to search for answers,

To questions most don't even contemplate.

The wonders of the world has always captured your imagination,

Enthralling you, enveloping you.

Your engaging presence draws many to your side, 

And some of your friendships have lasted longer than your school years.

Fiercely loyal, with a caring nature, 

And a fun-loving character, 

You bring sunshine and cheer to the dark. 

Your name means leader,

A role you adopt with ease,

As you traverse your way on the path of life. 

My prayer for you, is to always be true to yourself,

Be kind and be happy.

May your days be filled, living your purpose, 

May they be filled with moments which makes your soul smile,

And your Heart soar 💗

Above all, 

Celebrate your identity of a proud Muslim young man, 

Creating your own path under Divine Guidance. 

With this in your armoury

You'll conquer those mountains as you ascend the mountains and hills before you.

We love and honour you, 

Always,

Our Ameer 

At 6 months old and already a whopping 10kg

You were a bookworm and enjoyed reading ... 

Pine Lake adventures date back 20 years

Always climbing and clambering

A die-hard Barca fan 

Still living for soccer as a 21 year old!

You observe the world through your own unique lens

And the tallest guy in our home, towering over us all

18 months ago at your older brothers 21st, when gatherings were still allowed

Working on your speech as a tribute to big brother

The 'Ameer Pose'

Caio for now, 

RuBe xoxo

 

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2021 Lessons, Contemplation & Parenting

 Hi lovelies!! 💖

Welcome to my first post of 2021, I had taken some time to reflect on the learnings of 2020, the growth, lessons learnt, and try as best as possible to chart a course for 2021. Charting my course by no means indicates that I am able to look into a crystal ball and be able to formulate a concrete way forward. Instead, what has become increasingly crucial is the personal care, being present with my loved ones and creating moments filled with joy. At a time like this we access the memory bank and relive joyful moments to restore hope and satisfy the yearning.

January was indeed a turbulent month on many fronts, work has been this way for almost a year and it seems as if January has become the time for my rite of passage into a new parenting phase. Parenting teaches us so much, it humbles and at the same time makes my heart soar; and it also has moments of distress and moments when gentle support is required. As a parent, I am finely tuned into the energies of my kids, I can tell when they are happy or sad, anxious or heartbroken. And yet, I have to be respectful enough to ask if they need support or comfort, and if not, to be comfortable to leave them at that moment. It takes every ounce of self restraint to create the space for them to deal with an issue and know that I'll be ready to step in when they are ready to talk. 

These past two weeks have tested all my relationships, the most notable being the relationship with myself. It is learned a behaviour to be harsh on myself and to set exceptionally high standards. I am my own worst critic and I have to consciously remain mindful to practice kindness on myself first. Among all the roles I fulfil: entrepreneur, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and confidant I lose myself in the giving and nurturing of others. It takes some serious introspection (and time out from all these roles) to realise when I have expended too much energy, whether in the holding of safe spaces for others or when sacrificing my me-time. 

However, during this pandemic, it has become easier to maintain my self care routines, and catch the old patterns from resurfacing. It will always be something to be aware of as I navigate my roles, and it seems that this past year has really intensified all the feels and needs. It required a stepping up and vigilance, which meant that depleting my energy happens so subtly, it is only when I'm weary that the reality hits home. The inability to tell from day to day what may/may not transpire has also added anxiety which has never been there before, the reality that life is not guaranteed to anyone.  The transient nature of life has been starkly highlighted with all the deaths we have suffered, and being unable to visit or attend the funeral causes further heartache. Not being able to say a final farewell makes it all seem so unreal, as if we are living in an alternate universe. The grieving process looks so different, the act of consoling loved ones now an awkward, socially distanced sharing of comforting words and prayers. I have now added attending a virtual funeral via Zoom to the list of firsts experienced during this pandemic. The constant barrage of death notices, prayer requests spurs you to call your loved ones, just to hear their voices if you cannot see them. 

All of this surrounds me and merges with all the roles I play, resulting in the need for continuous self reflection. To understand the impact of all this on my consciousness, to grasp the gravity of the situation and to accept that I cannot change anything except my own reaction and survival mechanisms. Added to this is the parenting of 1 young teenager and 2 young adults who all have their own experiences and challenges as they journey through these uncertain times. I can only model behaviour to ensure that they see conscious healing in practice, that they understand that whatever they may need is within them, just waiting to be activated. It is also important for them to know that it is ok not to have all the answers, or to make mistakes; it emulates our humanness so eloquently. 

The key learning from last year is to embrace my humanness, to accept my flaws and let go of the burden of the want to control each and every outcome; and to understand that this is how my Creator intended for it be. January was the month of integrating these learnings even deeper than before. I have understood and experienced grief in varying forms, and have had to access the strength deep within, to be able to unapologetically stand in my truth and authenticity. My young human charges need me to be kind to myself and show up for myself more than they require anything else; in that I am able to engage the energy to be of service. Awaking each morning with immense gratitude, and being especially kind to my body, taking care of this most magnificent Divine gift.

This lookpost features a dress from iera Designs which I recently wore to the launch of  her hijab studio in Rylands. I have paired it with a belt and a pair of wedge sandals to dress it up a bit. The launch of a studio in these trying times, is indeed a promising sign of eternal hope and highlights the resilient nature of an entrepreneur. It is a spark to ignite a fire which will hopefully warm those souls feeling the constant drum of despair.

Dress by iera Designs

ZARA sandals

Kate Spade handbag

Chanel sunglasses

Poetry scarf

Witchery leather belt

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