RuBe’s Closet - Modest Fashion and Lifestyle: self evaluation

Friday, 2 March 2018

Inner Work is never easy

Welcome readers!

Can you believe it's March already! 2018 certainly started with a bang, and life has continued on an accelerated pace. For me as a businesswoman, wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend. There have been some significant shifts in my life and notable shifts in relationships. This has all been as a result of intensive inner work which started more than 2 years ago and has been a constant journey since.

This inner work is aimed at me, understanding myself at a level which is not always comfortable, but is especially necessary. At times this type of work makes me feel broken, and other times like a total b***h, but as always it serves as a path to healing and moving forward.

I have written about life with teenagers, and the challenges I face as a parent to young adults, and I know that without my own work, I would never be able to afford my kids the space to just be themselves. I grew up in a tribe where traditions are important, culture is weaved into the very fabric of our daily lives. And yet, when I dared to step out on my own, and looked at the tribe from the outside, I realised that we need to evolve. I needed to evolve, to become a person where traditions do not rule my every decision, nor does it dictate my parenting or interactions. Traditions are important, for sure, it forms part of our identity and ancestry, and yet there will always be space to incorporate new traditions. One of the 'cultural norms' I choose to challenge is hiding ugly truths, this is something we choose to do in our communities, families and extended networks- and even go as far as pretending everything is fine. Typically something huge happens (such as terminal illness diagnosis, abuse or divorce) and nobody talks about it, preferring to tell children that nothing is wrong or we go about life as if nothing has happened. Just by doing this, we take something fundamental away from our kids, we teach them to ignore their intuition and gut feel for when things are wrong. We teach them that certain things are taboo to talk about, to think about and some topics are off limits. I believe in always being honest with my kids, even when it may be the hardest thing to do. I believe that they need to know I am human too, prone to mistakes, prone to bad decisions and that I don't always have the answers.

I would not have been able to arrive at this point without working on myself, looking at what makes me tick and what my core values are. They're not always the same as the tribe we come from. (I use the word tribe loosely, which refers to our family & community networks which we grow up in) My intention is for my kids to trust me, to ask any question and know that they will get the truth. The answers would be age appropriate but still the truth in it's basic form. Our kids are faced with situations we cannot even comprehend, and without having that safe space to talk about it, they can find themselves disoriented. But before I was even able to provide the safe space, I needed to be safe. This meant I needed to learn to drop all judgements which I have been conditioned with since birth (which is a continuous area of work), I needed to understand what matters and discover what my own value system is. Equipped with this, I am able to navigate the world from a place of authenticity, and be a safe haven for my kids. This sounds really simple, but in reality is the hardest to achieve, as it means taking a hard critical look at the self (without judgement but with acceptance).

There are so many amazing women offering conscious parenting courses, mommy circles, self development and NLP courses; all aimed at being the best we can be. Whilst it can be a daunting task to take the first step towards it, the reward is extraordinary. Relationships take on another dimension and interactions become meaningful.

Today's outfit features a very colourful kimono I received from Reem Couture. Manufactured in satin finish, it is perfect for a night out or even dressed down as I have done with brogues. This kimono is reflective of my life, so many colours, facets and dimensions, which I keep discovering as I dig deeper into the self. Paired with a jeans and fringe bag, it's perfect for a coffee with the girls or a date with one of my sons.

Outfit details:

Reem Couture Kimono

H&M Jeans

Dune London Brogues

Riehanas Scarves pom pom scarf

Lovisa Rose quartz earrings

Rebecca Minkhoff Fringe bag

Giorgio Armani Sunglasses

Caio for now,

RuBe xoxo

A tumultuous time

Hello again readers!

We are into the second 10 days of this month and shoo it has been a tumultuous one! There have been so many occurrences this week which have tested me on a few fronts. The #CapeStorm has caused devastation for so many, and families are still reeling from their losses. I have already attended 3 funerals during this month, two of them this week alone, and the first one on the very first day of the fast. That first funeral seriously set the tone for the rest of the month🙏🏼

Even though this was a rough week, it has also been an amazing one in terms of what I had come to accept and things I needed to embrace. The funerals this month were especially hard as they each represented elements of my childhood which needed closure. Things which had been worked through, understood and processed and just needed a final closing off (so to speak). I have had to sit with mixed emotions after the second funeral, having to deal with a loss which I didn't think would affect me - which hit hard.

It became evident that there are times when a death will impact me for a reason other than the loss of that person, it signifies a void or an ending. It brings with it realisations of how a single person can impact others without even knowing. Life has a strange way of intertwining lives, and sometimes a few words or a presence (and even an absence) can mean so much to another. We are all on our own journeys and do not necessarily know the struggles of others, and by just saying hi, stopping to offer a lift, or smiling at someone, we may bring a little bit of sunshine.

This month has been an intense one, where all my self-evaluation and supplication have highlighted that there will always be places of myself that will require work. I will constantly be in a state of growing and learning, evaluating, all towards being a better me. For me. And to be able to lead and guide, as well as to serve. As always, this Ramadaan has been a hugely productive one business wise, and plans which have been laid down earlier this year are coming to fruition now. Algamdulilah.

I am grateful for the trials set upon on my path as it teaches me to grow, forcing me to tap into those places inside me which houses the strength.

"Hard times don't create heros.

It is during the hard times when the hero within us is revealed."

- Bob Riley

Today's outfit is an ode to the bit of childhood I had to let go of this week. It signifies the playfulness we have inside and sense of wonder which I hope to never lose.