Friday, 8 March 2019

Parenting One Day at a Time

Welcome readers,

The biggest role I fulfil is that of being a mother, I feel the significance of the Divine responsibility of being blessed with raising tiny humans upon me. Parenting is a responsibility that I do not take lightly and work at everyday. It means being the best I can be in my own world and being mindful of my Creator; setting an example for my boys, of how to manage themselves in the world; and through difficult situations.

Parenting is an ongoing journey, whether they're infants, toddlers, teenagers or adults. They will always be an extension of me walking around on this earth, like little pieces of my heart in different places. This means that as much as I have a responsibility to take care of myself, I have a responsibility to take care of those external parts of my heart. I am clear however, that they're young adults on the cusp of their own independent lives, and I therefore need to respect them enough to work at our relationship so that they would want me as a part of their lives. Right now everything is managed on their busy schedules, giving me a small glimpse of what life will be like when they've moved into their own spaces.

For now, managing young adults in the home is a continuous learning arena, each day brings new lessons, new perceptions and new ways of doing things. The moment I feel like I'm on the right path, I get a figurative kick in the head, reminding me that I'm not in control of this journey. Just like with life really, things don't always go as planned. And the only way I know to cope with any unforeseen hurdles, is to appeal and pray to my Creator for guidance. I am very aware that I do not have all the answers, and do not want to take on the burden of walking through life pretending I have all the answers. Frank discussions with my kids (i.e. my young men) where I am open about my shortcomings is key, and sharing my confusion or uncertainty around the next step in a solution. Often when I find myself at a loss for answers, I ask them for advice, a solution or way forward, and even what their recommended course of action would be. Sometimes they amaze me with their wisdom, and other times we just take it one day at a time.

Maintaining trust and living truthfully is a big concept in our home, and we understand that it has to go both ways. I cannot expect anything from them if I am not prepared to give it in return. After all, any relationship is a two way street, and means taking ownership on both sides of the relationship. Trust is a crucial component of any relationship; and when one looks at the parent-child engagement as a relationship, with the same building blocks, it brings trust and respect into the space. No feeling of kinship can be forced by some conditioned doctrine, it needs to be built on the fundamentals of a healthy relationship, regardless of the obligatory familial tie. I do not believe that I am entitled to be a part of their adult lives by virtue of the fact of who I am. On the contrary, I know full well that I need to firstly honour them, in order for them to honour me as a parent, trust them with truth so that they do the same; and at the core, treat them with dignity as human beings. For me this is what raising children is about, treating these parts of me as I would want to be treated, and being mindful that they are humans, with their own respective orientation in this world. It means being safe enough for them to own all the parts (the 'good' and 'not so good' parts) of themselves around me, without fear of judgement or fear of being admonished.

Furthermore, I have had to become accustomed to the fact that as adults, I am not privy to every single thing happening in their lives. I have to trust that they live their lives based on the principles I have instilled, taught and model. They are accountable for themselves, and fully understand consequences of their actions and behaviours. This is one of the hardest things to embrace, that these not-so-little young men do not need me to do much anymore. I miss those days where Mum was pivotal in their lives without it being an option, now Mum is a choice they make. My tendency towards separation anxiety kicks in when I think of it, and I know it's something I need to manage, and not burden them with.

There are many aspects to parenting adults which I am still grappling and coming to terms with. One of the biggest is that they need to make their own life decisions, and that it is not my place to protect them from whatever I may perceive will be hurtful. Their paths have been decreed, and my role is to support them from the sidelines, provide a safe haven when they need it or a healing balm to soothe their souls. It is essential that they always know that I will be around, arms wide open, for as long as they need me to be. Letting go of the apron strings and cutting the proverbial 'umbilical cord' is essential to empower them to live their lives without me placing any burdens or expectations on them. The only thing I hold onto is the premise that our relationship is built on a solid foundation, and will be able to withstand the inevitable storms which life will present.

I am currently in the training phase of weathering these storms in a parent-child relationship with  young adults.
Learning as I go along...

A thought for fellow parents to ponder:

“You can choose to disrespect me but I will not give you permission to hurt my spirit.”

― Lailah Gifty Akita 

My outfit today features a raw silk coat from Opulence, which I've styled before in a more formal way. Today I've styled it casually, paired with denims and one of my favourite classic heels.



Outfit details: 

Opulence Silk Coat
Woolworths jeans
Old Lace up heels
Mimco bag
Opulence silk scarf
Hse of Bespoke tassel earrings
Vogue sunglasses (Old)

Ciao for now, 
RuBe xoxo

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Friday, 1 March 2019

My Vampire Facial Experience

Hi lovely readers, 

For those of you who have been following my skin journey with Dr Asmal at Rondebosch Aesthetics will know that I have seen an amazing improvement in the past year. Not only has she gradually introduced aesthetic treatments into my relatively simple skin routine. I used to have extremely sensitive skin, prone to redness, burning and dry patches whenever I introduced a new skincare product or facial. Since I have started my aesthetic skincare regime with Rondebosch Aesthetics, my skin has not had one inflamed reaction or reacted badly to any treatment.

We started my skin off with the non invasive, perfect for all skin types, On The Glow Peel, and gradually worked our way up to the Vampire Facial, which I had two weeks ago. Initially I was quite anxious, from what I could remember, the vampire facial looked painful and elicited a lot of bleeding! Dr Asmal very clearly explained the difference between the Vampire Facial and the Vampire Facelift. So my treatment was the Vampire Facial, whereas the Vampire Facelift involves injecting the PRP (Platelet Rich Plasma) directly to the face. The Vampire Facial uses a micro needling device, in my case the Dermapen was used to work the PRP into the skin.

I arrived at the salon with my face and neck covered in Lidocaine, to numb the areas which would be treated. So once my skin had numbed completely, about an hour after applying the thick, gloopy Lidocaine, I was ready for my treatment. 
Here goes:

  1. Dr Asmal drew a vial of blood which would be used to extract the PRP (Platelet Rich Plasma) to be infused into the skin. Platelet rich plasma is a component of your own blood, which contains platelets including stem cells and growth factors.
  2. The vial of blood is placed into a machine called the Centrifuge and then spun around for a few minutes.
  3. While this is happening, Nicola then prepared my face for the Dermapen treatment. She removed the Lidocaine and cleansed ready for the PRP to be administered.
  4. The PRP separates from the blood and forms a gold serum which is then drawn into a syringe and applied to the face.
  5. The Dermapen is then used to infuse the PRP into skin.
  6. My skin doesn't go red or inflamed easily, so Nicola had to go pretty deep to get the red result, and inflammation (which causes the blood to rush to the surface and for the natural healing to take place). This also prompts the collagen generation, resulting in smoother, plumper skin.
  7. My skin didn't bleed , just went red, and it wasn't painful at ALL! I just felt a bit sunburnt
  8. Since I had to attend an event just after, I asked Nicola to camouflage the redness so that I would look semi-normal on photos. She then applied a healing foundation with SPF and I was good to go.
The PRP from your own blood is used to promote good skin. It helps the skin function optimally m increasing everything from collagen to elastin production. This treatment helps with premature ageing, wrinkling and sun damage. 

I experienced no side effects, and by day two the redness had subsided substantially. The fact that my skin doesn't go red easily means it's not as sensitive as it was a year ago, and therefore quite capable of managing the inflammation. 

Two weeks later my skin is literally glowing, and looking plumper and healthier. In order to see long lasting effects, I would recommend more than one PRP treatment, even though you'd definitely be able to see results after the first treatment.

Some aftercare tips:

  1. I usually don't apply anything to my skin after the treatment for at least 5 hours, especially no makeup. I use a very gentle cleanser (one recommended by Dr Asmal) at night before going to bed.
  2. No alcohol toner for at least a week after treatment.
  3. Use a healing balm or post tretament balm on your face, it will soothe the irritation, tingling and help speed up the healing. It also helps makeup application, especially if you experience flaking.
  4. Use a good, high SPF face sunblock on your face and don't forget the neck area (and decollete if you expose this area to the sun).
  5. When your skin starts to flake, don't pick or peel it off, you may cause pigmentation. Apply the balm to help smoothen the skin.
  6. Do not exfoliate your skin for at least two weeks after treatment.

Get in touch with Rondebosch Aesthetics (0216879400, chat to Brenda), for your skin consult before trying out this cutting edge treatment. Drop me messages, I'd love to hear your stories if you've embarked on a journey to looking after your skin.

After the treatment, you can see how red  my neck area is, and my skin appears a bit rough
The blood after its' been through the Centrifuge

Enroute to my appointment, I keep the Lidocaine at home and apply an hour before my treatment 
For reference, this pic was taken about an hour or so after my facial, at least my skin doesn't look
too red! 
A few days after the treatment, no filter, no make up and only tinted sunblock and moisturiser
 Check out the short video on my Vampire Facial, with commentary and explanations from Dr Asmal and Nicola.

Ciao for now, 

RuBe xoxo 

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